I fell for my partner because he was tall, rugged, and had that slightly disheveled charm reminiscent of a lumberjack. He would play pool with a cigarette casually dangling from his lips, exuding an air of carefree rebellion. Meanwhile, I had the polished appearance of someone who cared deeply about every little detail.
I vividly recall grappling with my feelings: “This is not right. He is all wrong.” He smokes, drinks, and doesn’t attend church, contrasting sharply with my previous relationships that were with rule-abiding individuals who didn’t indulge in beer. This is likely why those relationships seemed devoid of excitement. Yet, he made me laugh like no one else, and, to my surprise, I discovered I enjoyed beer perhaps even more than he did. Our unconventional pairing puzzled everyone around us, but it felt perfectly aligned.
Over time, it became clear that I had misjudged him: he truly didn’t care what others thought, and it was liberating to be around him. His self-assurance radiated through everything he did. If he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he would strike a pose, pat his belly, and cheerfully exclaim, “Yeah!” I admired his confidence and wished to embody it myself.
Fast forward ten years and three kids later, I’ve come to realize just how much I took my youthful body for granted. I long to look in the mirror, give myself a playful slap on the backside, and shout, “That’s right!” Why do I struggle to accept myself, flaws and all—cellulite, larger breasts, and everything in between? I find myself envying the confidence often attributed to men.
Sometimes I wish I could transport myself back in time to don daring outfits just for the fun of it. Perhaps this is why you see some older women wearing youthful attire; they’ve come to the realization that they should have celebrated their bodies much sooner. As time marches on, they find themselves in the juniors section of department stores thinking, “Why not wear this ridiculous outfit today? I’ll never look better than I do right now!” This mindset can lead to surprising transformations.
Recently, after a few glasses of wine, I found myself standing naked in front of my partner, Jake, and boldly declared, “Take a good look because this is as good as it’s going to get.” I twirled around for him to see and then returned to my room. The feeling of empowerment was so exhilarating that I repeated this act the following days.
This ritual is not about seduction; I illuminate every imperfection with bright lights, eschewing the flattering ambiance. It’s like a candid documentary, yet surprisingly, it has become a highlight of his day. If I forget this routine, he’s quick to remind me in a playful way:
Me: Goodnight.
Jake: Wait! Don’t forget to show me your body.
Me: Let me turn on the lights so you can see it all. I might look a little worse tomorrow, so take a good look today.
Through this experience, I’ve discovered that the secret to embodying the confidence often associated with men lies in not apologizing for one’s appearance. This is me—flaws and all. Now, let’s embrace intimacy—lights on.
For more insights on fertility and home insemination, check out this one of our other blogs at Make A Mom as well as this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, you can learn more about navigating your fertility journey at Couples Fertility Journey.
Summary:
This article discusses the journey of self-acceptance and confidence in one’s body, contrasting the carefree attitude of a partner with the author’s struggles to embrace her own appearance. It highlights the transformative power of self-love and the importance of celebrating oneself, imperfections included.
Keyphrase: Self Confidence and Body Acceptance
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]