I noticed the disapproving glance. The pediatrician who attended to my 2-year-old son in urgent care seemed displeased with his behavior. After handing me the prescription, she turned to my son and firmly stated, “We say ‘excuse me!’” I felt a wave of discomfort wash over me as she questioned where he had learned to shout “yay!” instead of the expected polite phrase. I admit it; I felt guilty.
My son exhibits a strong-willed nature. He’s vibrant and full of energy—some might even call him spirited. I suspect he said “I can do it” before he could articulate anything else. He is always on the move, as if adhering to a tightly packed schedule. His actions are relentless! He seems to ignore me 99% of the time, leading me to resort to tactics for capturing his attention, some of which have regrettable outcomes—like this encounter. I stuffed the prescription into my bag and hurried out, frustrated and feeling like a failure. That physician defined my son based on a fleeting moment, but my son is so much more than a single instance.
Rather than labeling my son as “strong-willed,” I prefer to view him as “heading places”—not only because he is literally always on the go, often without me, but also because this trait is a wonderful aspect of his personality. However, anyone familiar with spirited children knows the challenges that come with them. There are the critical eyes of doctors, the judgment of strangers in grocery stores, and even the unsolicited opinions of family members. It feels like everyone is watching, assessing, and trying to “correct” the situation, just like the physician did.
Changing Our Perspective
With all these hurdles and the negative labels placed on spirited children, what if we changed our perspective? What do we gain from a different viewpoint?
- My son isn’t disobedient; he’s independent.
- He isn’t aggressive; he’s confident.
- He isn’t outspoken; he’s vocal.
- He isn’t a troublemaker; he’s brave.
- He isn’t emotional; he’s expressive.
- He isn’t selfish; he’s determined.
- He isn’t strong-willed; he’s powerful.
Yes, my son may have planted his hands on his hips at just 9 months old, and he might scream and cry when things don’t go his way. He boldly claims the playground equipment, often sending older children scurrying away. Patience is not his forte, and neither is accepting a bib that clashes with his outfit. And when it comes to “time-out,” I’m sure my neighbors can hear his protests from a mile away. He can be challenging, but he is also extraordinary. There is so much more to him than these moments of frustration. If we look deeper, we see a child learning to manage his emotions—overwhelmed and distracted by the world around him, as if his mind has 100 tabs open at once.
It’s crucial to remember that a 2-year-old does not act out of malice. Strong-willed children are not trying to be difficult; they are simply navigating a complex world. Given all they absorb, their responses are truly remarkable.
I encourage observers to listen closely the next time they encounter a spirited child. Witness them entering preschool with confidence, ready to learn. They approach teachers and classmates with more self-assurance than even the principal. They try new activities without hesitation and are resilient against peer pressure due to their determination. Yes, my son is strong-willed, but more importantly, he is powerful. This child is going places.
So, thank you for the prescription, doctor, but I’ll pass on your advice regarding my son’s behavior. We’ve got this. Please refrain from judging or labeling him. He is thriving, and he is so much more than the moment you witnessed.
Further Resources
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Summary
This article reflects on the experiences of parenting a strong-willed child, offering a fresh perspective that emphasizes the positive attributes of spirited children. Rather than succumbing to negative labels, the author encourages recognizing the independence, confidence, and determination these children exhibit. The article advocates for understanding and support rather than judgment from others.
Keyphrase: Understanding Strong-Willed Children
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