Navigating the journey of being a divorced parent has been my reality for ten months now. Although I won’t include the year of separation, as I had hoped for reconciliation, this timeframe has provided enough opportunity for reflection.
Here’s my current state: I am feeling broken.
This sentiment is not about lingering romantic feelings or feeling incomplete without a partner. Yes, the emotional toll has left me with a fractured heart, and I did exert considerable effort to salvage my marriage, even when all indicators suggested otherwise. My heart has begun to heal since those initial, painful blows, yet the voids accompanying my new life as a divorced parent contribute significantly to my sense of brokenness.
My daughter, Emma, is six years old. She divides her time between two homes, each with its distinct parenting style and lifestyle. She must continuously adjust to these differences. Emma recalls a time when life was different—when there was one home with two parents. She remembers asking her dad for help when I was busy, and she longs for the unity we once shared. The memories of us all having dinner together as a family still linger in her mind. The security of knowing we were a complete family under one roof was something she cherished.
This void in her life is one of the most painful aspects for me as a mother.
While divorced families are increasingly common, this reality does not diminish the emotional pain children experience. Emma is, thankfully, well-adjusted; however, she still grapples with the reality of our situation. She’s sensitive and often expresses concern about our feelings, especially when she prefers my company on her dad’s visitation nights. Her longing for the days when her father lived with us is palpable. Each time she asks if he will ever return, it feels just as painful as the first time she voiced that question. This experience significantly shapes her growth and development into adulthood, and it is not the path I envisioned for her.
I never anticipated raising my child alone. Yes, we co-parent—sometimes effectively—but it still falls short of the family life I had hoped for. The absence of a partner creates a substantial void in my life. I did not marry and have a child to end up sharing my daughter between two households. More than that, I didn’t want to face the stark reality of having an empty chair at dinner or an empty spot on the couch after putting my daughter to bed. Making decisions alone and lacking someone to share the ups and downs of parenting, especially during the difficult moments, is deeply painful. It’s not just about the absence of any person; it’s about missing the person with whom I built my family.
I often feel envy when encountering complete families, whether at the mall, restaurants, or school events. Watching friends celebrate anniversaries and holidays on social media can trigger feelings of bitterness and sadness.
The void becomes even more pronounced when Emma is with her father. Those nights without her feel like a hollow gap in my life, and I miss the moments we could share together. The emptiness I feel when passing her unoccupied room at night is a constant reminder of her absence. The thought of not being there to comfort her when she wakes up scared or unwell is agonizing.
While I appreciate the moments of solitude, they are not the breaks I envisioned. Instead of relief, I find myself worrying about Emma’s well-being—if she’s eating properly, feeling okay, completing her homework, getting to school on time, and if she’s truly happy. This is not the kind of relief I ever wanted.
Some perceive my situation as “lucky,” given that her father is involved in her life. I disagree. It is not fortune that the man I chose to marry and parent with occasionally fails to fulfill his role as a husband or, at times, even as a father. While I’m grateful that he contributes about 35 to 40 percent of his responsibilities, I would prefer we both be fully present and functioning as a cohesive family unit. Instead, I am left to navigate the responsibilities as best as I can.
This lingering brokenness can feel isolating, robbing me of joy. I have spent countless nights in tears, grieving the fragmented pieces of our past. Last year, I was immersed in the divorce process, witnessing the chaos around me. Now that the dust has settled, I recognize that the pieces may never fully fit back together. While this realization is daunting, I am committed to creating something beautiful from this mess rather than merely attempting to restore what once was.
I am learning to embrace my new reality, which is teaching me independence and resilience. Accepting that a certain level of brokenness is part of life has become essential for my growth.
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Summary
Divorce brings lasting emotional challenges, especially for parents. The experience of navigating life as a divorced mother can lead to feelings of brokenness, particularly when considering the impact on children. This article reflects on the complexities of co-parenting, the voids left by separation, and the journey toward healing and acceptance.
Keyphrase: divorce challenges for parents
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