To My Firstborn: A Letter from Mom

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Dear Child,

Before we begin, I must issue a small disclaimer—what I’m about to say might come across as quite sentimental. If you happen to read this now, I can already picture your eye-rolls and the exaggerated sounds of disgust that typically accompany such moments. However, sometimes a mother needs to pen a letter to her child, to be revisited at a much later time—perhaps years or even decades down the line—when you may wish to understand the emotions that stirred in my heart while preparing yet another peanut butter and jelly sandwich for you.

So, let’s dive in.

I want to talk about love—the love a mother holds for her child. The moment you were placed in my arms, I experienced a love that surpassed anything I had known before. Your beauty and perfection overwhelmed me, alongside the immense responsibility I felt to keep you safe. The intensity of my love for you was both exhilarating and daunting, leaving me breathless while simultaneously making me feel complete.

Now, as you approach 9 years of age, I realize how quickly time passes. That all-consuming, post-partum, sleep-deprived love has transformed; yet, my feelings for you remain just as profound. I expect this depth of emotion will always be with me.

Every milestone in your life is a first for both of us. First child. First tooth. First day at school. Each new experience is shared, marking a unique moment in our journey together.

I have noticed how my parenting approach differs between you and your younger sibling. With your brother, I draw upon past experiences. I know he will eventually sleep through the night, wean from nursing, and potty train despite the challenges. But with you, every day brings new questions. I have never raised an 8-years-9-months-13-days-old child before.

Just today, you playfully spit on my cheek when I attempted to give you a goodnight kiss. I was unsure whether to laugh (which I did) or address the importance of respect seriously. Last autumn, when you expressed a desire to abandon sports for a more relaxed after-school routine, I struggled to decide whether to encourage you to pursue activities or to honor your wishes (I chose to listen).

It’s essential for you to understand that my journey with you has often been filled with uncertainty and concern. Recently, when you lay on the floor, crying about homework before your television time, I feared there was something fundamentally wrong—either with you or with me—because you exhibited a tantrum reminiscent of a toddler.

I observe you navigating through various phases, and I remind myself that much of what worries me is a natural part of your growth and development. When you challenge me, you are simply testing the boundaries of childhood and exploring the depth of your feelings—feelings that may sometimes confuse even you.

One vital lesson I wish to impart is that no matter how chaotic or overwhelming your emotions may seem, you can always share them with me. I want you to know that my love for you remains unwavering, even during your more challenging moments. While I do need to set boundaries, I hope I have never made you feel shame for your emotions.

I’m certain I’ve made my fair share of mistakes—some significant. However, please understand that every action I took was motivated by love.

As my firstborn, you are my grand experiment. Can I nurture you without overwhelming you? Am I making mistakes that will be forgiven? Do I have the strength to allow you to become your true self, in all its evolving forms?

Gradually, I am learning to let go. You may not recognize it yet, and honestly, neither do I. But our time together is limited. The nights we spend sharing stories in your small bed, discussing your school day, your aspirations, and your fears will eventually come to an end.

Reflecting on the fact that you are nearing 18 years old fills me with mixed emotions. Yes, there is the understandable anxiety about your future independence. But alongside that fear is an overwhelming joy. I still gaze at you in wonder, marveling at the fact that you came from me, that you are a part of me. I can hardly fathom how you’ve transformed from a tiny child into the remarkable person you are becoming.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have you in my life.

Well, that’s all for now. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts. And rest assured, I am always ready to hear your next passionate discussion about video games, whether it’s Minecraft or Super Mario Bros.—I promise to do my best to keep up with you.

With love,
Mom

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In summary, this letter reflects a mother’s profound love and evolving relationship with her firstborn child. As her child grows and navigates through various stages of life, the mother grapples with uncertainties while striving to provide a loving and supportive environment. Her hope is for her child to feel free to express their emotions and to understand that love remains constant, even amidst challenges.

Keyphrase: Mother’s love letter to firstborn

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