On a bright and sunny day in Southern California, my husband took our two older sons to enjoy water activities at the lagoon with friends. Unfortunately, due to Charlie’s therapy appointments, I stayed behind with my two younger children. We followed our usual Sunday routine of attending church followed by some family playtime at home. Charlie’s therapist arrived punctually, and we headed to church together. It wasn’t long before I received a text from the nursery: “Please come get Michael.” This wasn’t surprising, as he often struggles to tolerate the nursery environment. Despite this minor setback, I was determined to have an enjoyable day.
After returning home, Charlie spent some time outside, learning to engage with our yard. Typically, he wanders aimlessly, but with some encouragement from his therapist, he managed to slide down the slide and swing for a full minute—an achievement we had worked hard to accomplish.
The morning was progressing beautifully, and the afternoon held promise as Charlie had a two-hour break before his next therapy session. We decided to take him out for lunch, favoring quieter fast-food spots to minimize the risk of onlookers during potential meltdowns. The therapist arrived, bright and enthusiastic, and we set off for a new store, a challenge I knew would be difficult for Charlie but felt hopeful about.
Initially, everything seemed to be going well. Charlie was managing the outing without issue, and I felt a wave of relief. However, without warning, he suddenly melted down. I couldn’t pinpoint the trigger—maybe it was the lighting, the overwhelming colors, or an intrusive stranger—but the scene escalated quickly. My heart raced as I watched my sweet boy collapse onto the floor, screaming and banging his head against the hard tile.
His therapist intervened, urging me to step back. I knew that he needed space, yet my instinct was to comfort him. It was a harrowing moment as I stood helplessly, watching him struggle while others gawked and whispered. The shame washed over me like a tide, drowning my confidence as a parent. I longed to scoop him up and shield him from this chaos, but I knew that touching him might escalate the situation further.
Once he began to calm down, I felt utterly depleted. My instinct was to flee, but his therapist insisted we finish checking out. As I loaded our items onto the belt, Charlie appeared composed, which only deepened my sense of insecurity. Why had I attempted this solo? My husband always brings a sense of calm to these situations.
We completed our purchase with minimal fuss, but as we approached the exit, Charlie’s meltdown reignited. Just as I thought we were nearly in a safe zone, a harsh voice cut through the air: “Take him home already!” A wave of frustration and hurt crashed over me. I wanted to explain my son’s autism and the purpose of this outing, but I couldn’t find the words. Instead, I silently moved us to the car, feeling defeated.
In public, Charlie may appear to be acting out—flailing, kicking, and even attempting to hit those who get too close. This is not misbehavior; he is navigating an overwhelming world shaped by his autism. When we first began Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy, he struggled to sit in a shopping cart for more than a few minutes, often limiting our outings to familiar routes and stores.
Over the years, I have encountered countless unkind remarks and judgmental stares, including painful comments from acquaintances who are aware of Charlie’s condition. They fail to understand that his perception of the world is vastly different from ours. He struggles to communicate his needs, which makes anticipating them all the more challenging. Charlie thrives on routine, and new environments can be incredibly disorienting for him.
Essentially, my son is not ‘naughty’; he is striving to find his footing in a world that can be unpredictable and overwhelming. I kindly ask that you refrain from passing judgment on him or me. We are doing our best in this journey together.
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Summary
In summary, it’s crucial to understand that children like Charlie, who are on the autism spectrum, face unique challenges that can lead to behaviors that may be misinterpreted as mischief. Instead of labeling them as ‘naughty,’ it’s essential to approach their experiences with empathy and understanding.
Keyphrase: Understanding Autism in Children
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