By: Julia Thompson
Date: November 3, 2023
As a parent of four-year-old twins, I often find myself navigating the unique personalities that each child possesses. While my sons, Leo and Max, share a striking resemblance, they are truly individuals with distinct preferences and interests. Generally, they embody the playful nature typical of young boys, finding joy in dirt, insects, and mud. Nonetheless, this became particularly evident during a recent trip to the shoe store, where I encountered an unexpected request from Leo: he wanted a pair of pink, sparkly shoes designed for girls.
Leo has a keen sense of style and is drawn to bright colors like pink and purple, often favoring frills and embellishments. Last Halloween, he proudly selected a pink plastic pumpkin for trick-or-treating, which has since become one of his most cherished possessions. So, when he gravitated toward the glittery shoes, I couldn’t help but chuckle—until I had to say no. I explained that they weren’t practical for the outdoor play he enjoys and that I didn’t want him to get them dirty. In the end, he accepted my reasoning and chose a more conventional pair of sneakers. Crisis averted.
However, as I completed the purchase for their sneakers, I reflected on the deeper rationale behind my decision. My refusal stemmed from a desire to shield Leo from potential bullying and the shame that can arise from societal expectations. I was trying to protect him from an often unforgiving world and, in doing so, preserve his innocence.
Yet, a part of me longed to buy those shoes. The question lingered: should I prioritize encouraging his individuality or shielding him from the harsh realities of peer judgment? While society has evolved, and there is greater acceptance of diverse expressions, there are still narrow-minded individuals who may not react kindly to a boy’s fondness for sparkle. I wanted to keep this innocence intact for as long as possible. To Leo, they were simply pretty shoes he wanted to wear, and yet, I still chose not to buy them.
In hindsight, I realize I should have embraced that moment to instill a valuable lesson: to be unapologetically proud of who you are and to love yourself fully. Instead, my decision communicated the opposite message: to conform and hide one’s true self to avoid hurt. This was never my intention as a parent. From the very beginning, I have encouraged my children to embrace their differences and appreciate the variety that makes life beautiful. I have taught them kindness, empathy, and love for themselves and others. Unfortunately, with this one seemingly ordinary outing, I may have inadvertently taught Leo to suppress his unique identity.
At this age, Leo is blissfully unaware that pink sparkly shoes are often categorized as “girl” items. He does not recognize the societal norms that dictate what boys should or should not like. All he knows is his fondness for sparkle, while his brother Max enjoys superheroes and bold colors. Is it wrong for a mother to wish to maintain that innocence for as long as possible? Will he one day reflect on my refusal and alter how he perceives himself? I hope not.
In conclusion, parenting is a delicate balance between encouraging authenticity and protecting our children from the world’s potential cruelty. As we navigate these challenges, let us strive to foster a space where our children can express themselves freely without fear of judgment. For more insights on parenting and self-acceptance, explore resources like Make a Mom’s artificial insemination kit and Resolve’s guide to family building options.
Keyphrase: Encouraging individuality in parenting
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