I vividly recall my early days as a teacher. In my early 20s, I was new to the school, engaged, a homeowner, and responsible for a lively group of sixth graders. It was Halloween, and as I judged a costume contest filled with Bart Simpsons and inflatable wrestlers, I felt a thirst for something refreshing.
As is typical in middle school events, parent volunteers were present, trying to remain unnoticed by their teenagers. When I reached for a drink from the “teacher” bucket, a father nearby admonished me, “Those are for the teachers.” Taken aback, I introduced myself, only to hear the familiar refrain: “Sorry. You look so young. I thought you were one of the kids.”
Initially, I took this as a compliment. In those days, I perceived my youthful appearance positively. The wrinkles around my eyes had yet to appear, and my hair was mostly free of gray, thanks to good genetics. However, as the years passed and I turned 35, the remark took on a different meaning. Being told I looked “too young to be a principal” evoked concerns about my readiness and experience, causing parents to question whether to voice complaints directly to me or escalate them to the head of the school. I found myself wishing for more gray hair to signify experience.
Interestingly, colleagues often remarked that I was “wise beyond my years.” While I interpreted this as a sign of my maturity and competence, it also raised the question: At what point will my age align with my wisdom? Will I attain that balance in my 30s? My 50s? Is wisdom solely a byproduct of age, or can one be insightful at any stage of life?
Today, at 38, I made a decision I never thought I would at this age: I resigned from my job. After three years of juggling late-night emails, evening meetings, and almost missing pick-ups for my children, I recognized that the stress and demands of the position were unsustainable for my family. My passion for working with children, parents, and teachers remained strong, but the toll was too high. I needed time to recalibrate, which meant stepping away from the workforce for a while. The decision felt both right and a bit insane, but I hoped it was the best choice.
Now, a new discussion about my age is unfolding. Friends and neighbors, after jesting about my “retirement” and the imaginary bonbons I would enjoy, are curious about my next steps. They seem to assume that I cannot simply stay home with my children. I want to respond with aspirations of writing a novel, leading the PTO by fall, or volunteering at the local food pantry. However, the truth is, I am uncertain about my next move. While I cherish this time to bond with my kids, nurture my marriage, and explore my interests, I am also aware that many women cannot afford this luxury.
Simultaneously, I worry about the implications of being out of the workforce for an extended period. When I return, I will be in my 40s. Will employers overlook me in favor of younger candidates who possess both wisdom and a youthful appearance? Once, I felt too young; now I wonder if I might be perceived as too old.
Perhaps. Feeling old is inevitable, even if my skin remains smooth and my hair is still mostly dark. However, age is also a state of mind. I have fought against the “you’re so young” label for years. As I approach 40, I remind myself that I am still the capable, confident woman I was in my 20s. Therefore, I have chosen to focus less on the challenges of re-entering my career and more on the significance of this unexpected detour in my life.
Sometimes, the unanticipated turns in our journey offer the most enriching experiences, regardless of age. We simply need to be open to making that turn when it presents itself.
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In summary, age is not merely a number but a blend of experience, wisdom, and perspective. Embracing one’s journey, regardless of age, can lead to unexpected growth and fulfillment.
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