Why Do You Have a Moustache? and Other Insights from My Children

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What is it about children? They possess an uncanny ability to transform even the most serious moments into lighthearted ones with a simple glance, a spontaneous giggle, or a heartfelt, “I love you, Mom,” just when you need it the most. Their humor is often unintentional yet delightful. For example, when my son declared, “Mom, I’m never eating poop again,” I found myself puzzled about how he even got into that situation. Nevertheless, I’m quite relieved about his newfound resolve.

To paraphrase a classic television phrase, “Kids say the funniest things.” Indeed, even on my worst days, a glance at them can instantly lift my spirits. In an instant, all my anxieties and insecurities fade away. Motherhood has that unique effect—it transforms your very essence. This change may be gradual, and those around you might sense something is different without being able to pinpoint exactly what it is. It’s akin to accidentally dyeing your eyebrows a shade too dark; people might scrutinize you, searching for an explanation, but they won’t dare say what’s off about your appearance. Except, of course, for my children—they are astute observers, perhaps even gifted in their ability to notice the smallest details.

While they may not express their gratitude for the countless tasks I handle daily, they show appreciation in unexpected ways. Their remarks can be amusing confidence boosters, especially for someone like me who doesn’t venture out much. “Mom, is that a red pea on your face? Can I touch it?” Again, humor prevails. It’s a valid query; why do I have the remnants of my youthful complexion appearing on my face? I’m nearing 40, after all, and no one is touching anything!

“Mom, why do you have eyelashes growing on your legs?” I cherish their curious minds almost as much as I appreciate the arrival of cooler weather. Thank goodness for long pants.

“Mom, do you have a mustache?” Until that moment, I was blissfully unaware, but after a brief examination, I realized that yes, indeed, I do. It’s much like having that friend who, without a second thought, will tell you if you have spinach stuck in your teeth—always looking to spare you from further embarrassment.

“Do you use teeth whitener, Mom?” This open-ended question could be taken two ways, but the implication is unmistakable based on the tone. This type of inquiry is only surpassed by the ones that begin with, “No offense, Mom, but…”

“Your armpits smell, Mom.” I didn’t invite them into my personal space, yet here they are, poking around where they shouldn’t be. I refuse to shower just for them. I can chalk it up to aging (see the turning 40 comment above). Next week, I might resemble the scent of my grandmother’s home. You know the smell. Nevertheless, anything to grant me a bit of physical space from time to time is appreciated.

“Ugh! Stop dancing, Mom.” My children dislike it, but I take full advantage of the opportunity to dance when the doors are closed. It’s amusing because I am not a good dancer. The tables have turned, kids. “Stanky Legg.” Boom. Who’s the boss now?

“Why don’t you have a real job, Mom?” This is a valid question from a child’s perspective. I could launch into an emotional monologue about how my role is the most significant job in the world, filled with rewards and smiles. However, I generally prefer not to talk to myself, and frankly, I’m tired of hearing my own voice.

Instead, I’ll pick my zits, skip shaving my legs, and continue to drink yet another glass of teeth-staining red wine. I understand the risks. Just leave me be. Mom’s beauty shines from within.

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In summary, children have a unique ability to make us reflect on the little things in life. Their innocent questions and humorous observations remind us to embrace our imperfections and find joy in the mundane. Motherhood may be challenging, but the laughter and love it brings are irreplaceable.

Keyphrase: Kids’ Observations on Parenting

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