Updated: June 30, 2021
Originally Published: October 18, 2015
My initial foray into the enigmatic realm of infants and their sleep habits began with my 3-year-old stepson, who would emit joyful morning noises at the crack of dawn. I was determined that my own children would have more reasonable sleep schedules.
A year later, my first daughter entered the world, and due to a necessary medical procedure, I was not able to hold her skin-to-skin immediately, as her father did. That night, I followed all the recommended protocols: I attempted to feed her, changed her diaper, swaddled her, and placed her in the transparent plastic crib beside my hospital bed—adhering to the advised safe distance for sleep. Yet, my daughter continued to cry. Wanting to do everything right, I repeated the process. Again, she cried.
A midwife intervened, gently placing my daughter in my arms. Miraculously, she fell asleep. I was filled with anxiety, thinking, “This is not how I envisioned parenting.” Co-sleeping was not part of my plan; I had swaddled and offered a pacifier. I removed the pacifier at the recommended age, but by five months, my daughter refused to nap. As she grew, I allowed her to cry it out, convinced I could shape her into a good sleeper. I was too preoccupied with the end results to appreciate the type of mother I was. Being awakened at 5:45 a.m. by crying for nearly two years proved to be an effective substitute for an alarm clock.
I learned: Sometimes, babies simply fuss because they need their mothers nearby. It’s a natural instinct.
My second daughter arrived quietly, aided by an epidural and laughing gas. This calm redhead was remarkably serene. During our skin-to-skin time, I welcomed her to a world filled with challenges and promised her safety.
Two hours post-birth, she was peacefully sleeping in her crib. By three months, she maintained a sleep schedule from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m., and at 20 months, she still relishes a two-hour nap in the afternoon. Had I finally solved the sleep mystery of motherhood?
I discovered: Some infants are simply more inclined to sleep than others.
With the arrival of my third daughter, I noted her warrior-like fist raised in the air. She latched onto me, revealing that we had yet another tongue-tied baby. This little one, who struggled with feeding, often awoke to scream in her sleep.
I learned: Some babies have a fundamental need to suck. It’s just part of their nature.
From the stargazer to the pacifist and the warrior—these three girls have taught me that all babies are unique individuals with their own preferences and needs. We cannot dictate their characteristics—be it hair color, temperament, or sleep patterns.
I’ve come to realize: Sleep is akin to water. It can be influenced but never fully controlled. I regret how I parented before understanding this concept, especially regarding the pressure I placed on myself, disregarding my instincts about the kind of mother I wanted to be. Ultimately, we don’t control outcomes; we make choices about the type of parents we want to be in each moment.
I’ve learned: Parenting isn’t about control. It’s about response. While science can inform our decisions, parenting is an art form requiring intuition and adaptability.
My journey continues, and I look forward to learning more. Sleep can wait.
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Summary:
My experiences with my three daughters have taught me that each child is unique in their sleep needs and habits. Parenting is about responding to these needs rather than trying to control them. Understanding this has alleviated some of the pressures I felt as a new mother.
Keyphrase: infant sleep patterns
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