In many ways, my partner and I seem to be managing a small enterprise together. Each of us has designated tasks and responsibilities, along with a budget to monitor. We routinely evaluate our “business” strategy, discussing daily and weekly: “I’ll handle this, you take care of that.” We’re hopeful that certain issues will be resolved soon and that our finances will improve. Can I take a day off? Despite the challenges, we navigate our household logistics fairly well.
However, our relationship often takes a backseat to the pressing daily demands of work and childcare. Even with our efforts to reconnect through date nights and quality time, we sometimes feel more like colleagues than romantic partners.
But what if we implemented “relationship performance reviews,” as suggested by Linda Carter, writing for a prominent relationship publication? The idea is to engage in regular check-ins about each other’s feelings and satisfaction within the relationship. Carter notes, “An increasing number of marriage counselors and relationship experts advocate for couples to hold periodic performance reviews. Couples often delay seeking therapy until issues become severe. By routinely assessing and discussing their relationship, partners can identify what is functioning well and what isn’t—allowing them to set improvement goals before problems become entrenched.”
She references a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, where 216 married couples filled out questionnaires designed to uncover strengths and weaknesses in their unions. The researchers split the couples into two groups: one that received regular therapeutic “checkups” and another that did not. The findings revealed that those who participated in checkups experienced greater improvements in relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and feelings of acceptance from their partners, along with a reduction in depressive symptoms, compared to the control group. Interestingly, couples with the most significant pre-existing issues saw the most notable enhancements.
While I tend to have a rather fatalistic view about relationships—believing they either work out or they don’t—I recognize that taking the time to sit down with your partner and express what makes you happy as well as what doesn’t could be advantageous. If you’re suppressing frustration over workload distribution, intimacy, or communication, those feelings can fester. By addressing these concerns directly, such as saying, “I’m unhappy with how we divide our responsibilities,” or “Please be more patient with me,” you may prevent these issues from becoming permanent grievances.
Moreover, one of the key benefits of therapy is to help identify when a relationship may be beyond saving. If you find yourself consistently asking for respect or assistance, and those requests go unheeded, these check-ins may serve as indicators that it’s time to reevaluate the partnership.
Therefore, our date nights might now include a “State of the Union” discussion. I’ll share what is working for me and what is lacking, and he can reciprocate. If we allow our relationship to devolve into mere cohabitation, we risk losing the essence of what brought us together in the first place.
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Summary
Regular performance reviews in a relationship can foster open communication about feelings and expectations, helping couples address issues before they escalate. By making time for check-ins, partners can enhance their relationship satisfaction and intimacy while proactively managing potential conflicts.
Keyphrase: Relationship performance review
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