Earlier this summer, I inquired with a colleague about her new role at the student health center of our local state university. I was eager to learn if she encountered typical issues like colds or contraception, especially since my daughter recently embarked on her college journey. Like many parents, I worry about the dangers of binge drinking and unprotected sex. My colleague, her voice dropping to a near whisper, shared, “I see a significant amount of anxiety.”
“Is that so? Even here?” I responded in disbelief. My own experience at this university for both my undergraduate and graduate studies was generally positive; it didn’t strike me as a place that would foster anxiety. Sure, there were tough moments—I still remember the sinking feeling from receiving a D on my math final. I kept it to myself, avoiding conversations with friends and parents about my academic struggles. I relied on self-affirmation during that challenging time, and ultimately, I moved on (I ended up with a C in the course). Yet, according to another friend who works as a university counselor, today’s youth often lack these coping skills. “They struggle to process their emotions,” he explained. “I help them learn to manage their feelings.”
The Elusiveness of Coping Skills
The concept of coping skills can seem elusive. How do we effectively teach these skills, or do they develop naturally? Numerous studies and articles delve into the difficulties millennials face in coping, particularly upon entering college. Professors I know often discuss the significant cultural shift from previous generations—how parents are more involved than ever, from calling about grades to intervening when their children encounter challenges. This conversation has been ongoing for over a decade, but the recent spike in mental health issues on college campuses is alarming. Reports indicate a 13 percent increase in students seeking counseling in just two years. What is driving this trend?
I recently finished reading How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kids for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims, a thought-provoking book urging parents to step back from overparenting and equip their kids with essential life skills, including coping mechanisms. I found myself nodding in agreement with her observations about modern parenting, such as our tendency to solve every conflict for our children, redefine issues as bullying, and fail to encourage them to contribute at home. This pattern is pervasive, and I recognize it more than I care to admit.
The Influence of Social Media
Some of my friends, who actively encourage independence in their children, have pointed to the influence of social media and the phenomenon of the “curated self.” Many young people feel pressured to present a polished, happy image of their lives on platforms like Instagram and Snapchat. A few days before leaving for college, my daughter excitedly showed me pictures of an upperclassman at her school, an esteemed liberal arts college known for its outdoorsy vibe and high-achieving students. “Look at all the amazing things she has done!” my daughter exclaimed, showcasing photos of hikes in Nepal and skiing trips. Those images certainly painted an enviable picture of her life. But does my daughter realize that everyone, including that girl, grapples with self-doubt?
My daughter is naturally independent and not particularly prone to anxiety. At just two years old, her mantra was “self.” Over the years, she has taken charge of her homework, learned to cook, and managed her own laundry. Amid her senior year, she independently navigated her college applications, studied for the SAT, and secured recommendation letters, all while maintaining a reasonable bedtime. She has confidently navigated public transportation in New York City, coordinated her own travel plans, developed a dedicated babysitting clientele, and even embarked on a backpacking trip in the North Cascades—insisting that her outdoor-expert father not accompany her so she could figure things out independently. She trusts her problem-solving abilities and even enjoys the thrill of getting lost. Lythcott-Haims would undoubtedly commend her.
Resilience and Coping Skills
However, I wonder how resilient her inner life truly is. How well does she reflect on her experiences? Can she effectively calm herself after a setback? How will she handle difficult emotions like homesickness, loneliness, and self-doubt? I cannot predict her path, but I know from my experiences that bumps and obstacles are inevitable. Over time, we learn that feelings of homesickness, self-doubt, and loneliness are normal—if we recognize that everyone experiences them, regardless of how perfect their social media presence appears.
There are no straightforward solutions to the complex challenges our children face as they approach adulthood. I share my friends’ concerns that simply reducing overparenting isn’t a panacea. While my daughter exemplifies independence and life skills, the pervasive influence of social media is a constant concern. The prevailing cultural narrative around success, which emphasizes elite colleges and competitive achievements, needs to evolve to encompass a broader range of post-high school options. Despite our efforts to mitigate these pressures in our low-key community, the challenge remains significant. Open conversations are essential, and some of us must ease the pressure we exert on our children. The stakes are too high, with too many kids struggling under the weight of these expectations.
Conclusion
In conclusion, as we navigate these challenges, it’s crucial to foster resilience and coping skills in our children. For those interested in exploring alternative paths to parenthood, resources like this one provide valuable information. Additionally, this guide offers insights into the journey of couples facing fertility challenges. For comprehensive information on donor insemination and related topics, American Pregnancy is an excellent resource.
Keyphrase: Cultural Shift in Parenting
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