As a newlywed, I believed I was an exemplary spouse. Each day, I prioritized my marriage, focusing on small, thoughtful gestures—like picking up my partner’s preferred craft beer on my way home, surprising him with back massages, or relinquishing the remote when his favorite sports team was on, even if it meant missing out on my favorite shows.
People warned me that things would shift once we welcomed a child. Although I understood the theory, it was difficult to imagine placing anyone above my partner. He was my top priority. However, two years into our marriage, we had a baby boy.
You can probably guess who now occupies the number-one position. Unfortunately, when my partner gets relegated to second place, he also becomes the target of my frustrations. But before you consider forming a support group for husbands of new mothers or offering him a couch to crash on, let me clarify: it’s not just upsetting for him when I yell; it’s equally distressing for me to be the one doing the shouting. The once-composed wife I was has morphed into someone who frequently raises her voice, often to the point of losing her sanity.
Here are the six primary reasons I find myself yelling at my partner:
- I Can’t Yell at the Baby
A significant portion of my frustrations, nearly 90%, relate to our baby. It’s simply unacceptable to yell at a small child for the numerous disruptions they cause. So, I direct my vocal frustrations towards my partner, attributing the blame to his genetic contribution to our little one. For example, if the baby woke up every hour or spit up on me right before work, it’s easier to express my anger at him than to take it out on the innocent child. - I Can’t Yell at My Boss or Colleagues
While I feel fortunate to have a job I enjoy as a writer and editor at a major institution, that doesn’t mean my coworkers don’t occasionally annoy me. Spending 40 hours a week with the same people can lead to frustrations. When things get under my skin, I find myself venting to my partner instead. It seems only logical, right? - I Haven’t Eaten All Day
I embody the term “hangry.” My partner learned early on that when I announce my hunger, he has about 15 minutes to provide sustenance before I become intolerable. With the demands of caring for a baby, I often neglect my own meals, focusing solely on feeding the little one. There have been countless times I’ve realized at 4 p.m. that I’ve only had a few snacks all day. If he comes home without a snack, he better be prepared for my wrath. - I Haven’t Slept in Months
Sleep deprivation is notorious for its detrimental effects, and I experienced that firsthand. In those early days with the baby, sleep was elusive, making me feel trapped in my own home. The exhaustion took a toll on my mood and my relationship. My partner and I often found ourselves in a battle over who would wake up with the baby, leading to late-night arguments that could escalate quickly. - I Haven’t Had Time to Exercise
I didn’t realize how integral running was to my identity until I became a parent. My partner used to encourage me to run whenever I was feeling down, but now, with a baby demanding my attention, it’s challenging to carve out time for myself. The combination of factors like sleep deprivation, hunger, and stress makes it nearly impossible to prioritize exercise. - He Forgives Me
Marriage, especially with a newborn, is incredibly challenging and requires a great deal of patience and forgiveness. Despite my frequent outbursts, my partner continues to forgive me time and again. I recognize that this phase will eventually pass. While our relationship faces unprecedented tests with the addition of our child, we also experience deeper joys. The rare, serene moments spent together as a family remind me of our love, even when I find myself yelling just moments later.
If you’re navigating similar challenges and considering options for expanding your family, resources like the Cryobaby at Home Insemination Kit can provide invaluable support. For further insights on home insemination, this guide offers comprehensive information too. Additionally, if you’re looking for guidance on pregnancy and insemination, this article is an excellent resource.
In summary, being a new parent is a whirlwind of emotions, and while yelling may sometimes feel like the only outlet, it’s important to recognize the underlying issues driving those frustrations. Understanding these factors can help foster a healthier, more communicative relationship.
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