When I discovered I was expecting twin girls, I felt overwhelming joy. Already blessed with a wonderful nearly two-year-old son, I had always dreamed of having twin daughters. However, along with the happiness came a wave of anxiety. Research indicates that girls whose mothers have experienced eating disorders are significantly more likely to develop similar issues themselves. While I have largely overcome my struggle with anorexia, I fear that my own body image issues could inadvertently affect my daughters.
To prevent this, I am making several commitments to them.
My dear girls, I promise that when we look in the mirror together, I will focus on any food stuck in your teeth or if your skirt is incorrectly tucked in. Your weight will never be a concern of mine, nor will mine be a topic of conversation.
I promise that during our family dinners, I will eat alongside you. Our meals will not consist of my plate filled with steamed broccoli while yours is overflowing with pasta. We will share meals, discuss food openly, and enjoy every bite together—because food is not our adversary.
I promise to remind you that your bodies are capable of incredible things, and regardless of their shape, they will always be beautiful, healthy, and strong.
I vow that when we talk about other women—and we will—I will ensure that our discussions are devoid of shame. We’ll engage in honest conversations about bodies, but derogatory terms like “fat” or “disgusting” will never be part of our dialogue. I will never compare you to others, especially to each other.
When others comment on you, I promise we will not let their words define who you are. Terms like “fat” or “ugly” are just labels. I will comfort you when you feel hurt, and I will feel your pain, but I know that you will have the strength to rise above any negativity.
I promise that when life becomes challenging and my instinct is to retreat into unhealthy habits, I will remember that any fleeting control over my weight is not worth the risk of instilling an eating disorder in you.
If you express a desire to diet, I will be there to talk openly with you. I will likely experience panic, fearing that anorexia is creeping into your thoughts, but I won’t let that fear hinder our conversation. We will discuss it, find solutions together, and you will not embark on a diet.
I promise that scales will never find a place in our home. Your worth will not be dictated by a number on a screen.
When I struggle with my own body image, feeling dissatisfied with my stomach, arms, or thighs, I will keep those thoughts to myself. I will avoid voicing concerns that could influence your self-esteem.
One day, I will share my story with you about how my college years were overshadowed by malnutrition and starvation. I will show you photographs from a time when my health was severely compromised, and my family worried about my survival during treatment for eating disorders.
I want you to understand that the battle I have fought against anorexia for the past twenty years will not become yours. I am determined to fight this battle for my own sake, and I promise you it will not be your burden.
In conclusion, I am committed to fostering a healthy environment for my daughters, free from the shadows of my past struggles with body image and eating disorders. It’s my responsibility to protect their self-esteem and ensure they grow up with a positive relationship with food and their bodies.
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