Parenting Insights from Mia Harper
“Don’t swim if you don’t want to,” said the graceful older woman with radiant blue eyes and flowing gray hair. I distinctly remember her hair because she was captivated by mine, gently running her fingers through my long, brown locks as she spoke, her ocean-like gaze locked onto my green eyes. We were far from any pool, and at that moment, I didn’t fully grasp the meaning behind her words. The woman was living with Alzheimer’s, and I heard her message long before I became a parent. During a visit to my husband’s grandfather in a facility for Alzheimer’s patients, this woman seemed drawn to me; the nurse suggested I might have reminded her of someone from her past. I sat there, letting her stroke my hair while she repeatedly voiced her thoughts about swimming, pausing occasionally to hold my face and gaze deeply into my eyes. Since that encounter, I’ve interpreted her words as a metaphor—don’t engage in activities that don’t resonate with you—but recently, I’ve applied them more directly in my parenting journey with my son.
My son is nearly six years old and still doesn’t know how to swim. I have often echoed her words: “If you don’t want to swim, don’t swim.” However, understanding the importance of safety, it is essential for him to learn. If he feels hesitant about swimming, that’s one thing, but he must acquire the skills. Despite our best efforts, he remains terrified of water. When he was two, we visited the beach, where our rental had an in-ground pool surrounded by a fence. He wouldn’t even approach the fence. We tried coaxing, bribing, and eventually managed to get him to stand by the pool on the last day of our trip. He screamed the entire two minutes until we realized we might be traumatizing him. So, we decided to postpone it for another time.
Later, we registered him for swimming lessons the following year. My husband participated in the Mommy and Me classes, but our son, then three, clung to him while the other children, mostly infants, floated around. We didn’t force the issue; he remained in flotation devices and has never been in the water without an adult’s presence. This pattern has persisted year after year—swimming class after swimming class, beach trip after beach trip, and visits to my siblings’ pools. He consistently avoids swimming, and it seems unrelated to his strong-willed nature or lack of adventurous spirit, as we once thought. While he undoubtedly possesses a strong will, it has never manifested in the same way as it does regarding swimming. In fact, he is quite adventurous in other realms, enthusiastically meeting new friends, sampling exotic foods, attending various summer camps, and eagerly exploring the creek to catch crawfish. Yet, when it comes to swimming, he remains resolute.
Next week, he turns six, and we have plans to visit my brother in California, where we’re headed to a water park at the end of August. The urgency to tackle swimming is increasing. Last night, my husband initiated our routine trips to the YMCA pool. My son sat on the pool steps for a lengthy 45 minutes, articulating every reason he didn’t want to swim. Eventually, he took the plunge—literally—stepping into the water and even attempting to kick his feet.
As I tucked him into bed, he shared his experience, revealing his frustration that it took him so long to muster the courage to enter the pool. He confessed his fear of water and expressed embarrassment over not knowing how to swim at nearly six years old. I took the opportunity to explain the importance of learning this skill and reassured him that trying his best is what truly matters. I emphasized that there’s no reason to feel embarrassed if he gives it his all, but if he never attempts, he’ll never discover what he’s capable of. As we snuggled together, he wrapped his arms around my neck and whispered, “I will just try harder tomorrow.”
Isn’t that what we all can strive for? The essence of life is about making the effort, trying harder tomorrow. While I lay there with him, I couldn’t help but reflect on the woman I met years ago, who imparted a crucial message: If we don’t wish to swim—regardless of what that swimming symbolizes—we don’t have to. Yet, if we fail to try, we may never realize what we truly want. I hope my son internalizes this lesson: embrace new experiences, exhibit courage, and remember it’s the effort that counts. If, after giving it a go, he decides it’s not for him, that’s perfectly acceptable.
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In summary, the journey of parenting is rife with challenges, especially when it comes to instilling confidence in our children to try new things. It’s crucial to encourage them to embrace new experiences while also allowing room for failure without shame. The true measure of success lies in the effort made.
Keyphrase: Parenting and Courage in New Experiences
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