The first child, or in my case, children (thanks a lot, fertility gods), often receives a level of protection akin to being wrapped in bubble wrap—figuratively, of course. Literally, we’d probably just end up popping it, turning it into more of a choking hazard than a safety measure. But really, who doesn’t enjoy popping bubble wrap?
Now, back to the firstborn—the child we tend to hover over. Not that I don’t care about my younger ones; I just recall the time I lunged to retrieve a toxic paper towel from my eldest’s mouth, using my hands like the Jaws of Life while risking injury just to prevent him from consuming something that could be harmful.
In contrast, I remember catching my youngest gnawing on a paper towel and thinking, “I’ll get to that eventually.” The urgency was at a code yellow level, not DEFCON 4 as it was with his siblings. As I transitioned from washing dishes to addressing his munching, I debated whether it was worth the risk of getting my fingers bitten for something as trivial as a piece of paper. Let the kid eat paper; those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves.
What’s even more alarming than my delayed response to the paper towel situation? The fact that I’m admitting to occasionally tackling household chores. I’ve often claimed to my partner that I’m the “cool parent,” too busy and trendy for mundane tasks, while they handle the responsibilities. That revelation didn’t go over well.
So here I was, a supposedly hip dad, washing dishes while my son savored a piece of premium paper towel. It’s not that I don’t care about his safety; I just find myself less anxious about him consuming dog food or a paper towel compared to my firstborn.
After two years of parenting, it’s evident that kids will indulge in dirt, grass, and random objects as they explore the world. I went through a phase where I was convinced my youngest was part mole-rat, given his propensity to eat dirt every time we ventured outside. It’s always surprising during diaper changes when the output resembles something more akin to a sandy beach than typical stool.
Eventually, this stage of sensory exploration fades, and children stop tasting everything. However, it’s a given that babies will chew on household items. As long as hazardous substances like rat poison are kept out of reach, they’re generally safe. I say “generally” because there are moments that trigger panic.
Once, my children decided to indulge in a sweet treat, but it wasn’t Aunt Jemima’s syrup. They found the baby Benadryl in the diaper bag and managed to get a few swigs before we intervened and took a trip to the hospital, where they looked dazed from the allergy medication. It was a frightening experience that cost me my parenting gold star for the day, but the diaper bag has since been relocated. Lesson learned, time to move on.
As parents, we must evolve alongside our children—not just in size, as we all gain a bit of “parent weight,” but also mentally and emotionally. There’s a maturation process that allows us to distinguish between real threats to our children and the risk posed by something like a paper towel. I’m not advocating for a diet of rolls of paper towels and dog food; that would be financially unfeasible. Instead, we face other pressing concerns, like whether our baby bag enhances our figure or not.
I realize some may rush to point out that eating paper towels is unhealthy, yet they happily serve their children hot dogs. Not judging here; hot dogs are a quick and tasty meal fix (and if you run out of bread, why not wrap the hot dog in a paper towel?).
As parents, sometimes we must allow our kids to learn through experience. The child who eats sticks likely won’t be picky at dinner. So, after navigating through the learning curve of parenting, I say, “Let them chew on paper towels.”
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Summary:
The journey of parenting often leads to a shift in priorities, particularly between the firstborn and subsequent children. While initial fears about safety and exploration are intense, they tend to ease as parents learn to navigate the world of childhood curiosities. Allowing children to explore—even if it means munching on paper towels—can foster resilience and adaptability in their eating habits.
Keyphrase: parenting and child safety
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