Our intimate life had reached a low point, a reality that’s not easy to admit, especially in a public forum. The frequency of our intimate moments had dwindled significantly, impacting both our relationship and our family dynamic.
As a person managing rheumatoid arthritis, coupled with the challenges of parenting two young children, my husband and I found it increasingly difficult to carve out quality time for each other. The mornings were particularly challenging; my condition made it hard to engage in physical intimacy, and our toddlers’ early wake-up calls left little room for spontaneity. Each day, I would promise myself to save some energy for my husband, only to be derailed by the chaos of toddler antics. By the time evening rolled around, I was often too exhausted to even contemplate intimacy, and something had to change.
Thus began our conversation about scheduling sexual intimacy. Initially, the idea felt unappealing—it seemed forced and lacking in romance. My husband worried it would just add to my stress levels. However, with our differing libidos and limited time alone, we decided to give it a shot.
As we discussed potential days for our scheduled night, we realized that our relationship had been neglected in various ways, beyond just the physical aspect. Touch, kisses, and even adult conversations had faded as we focused entirely on our children’s needs. As a stay-at-home parent, I often felt overwhelmed, juggling responsibilities like diaper changes, grocery shopping, and endless medical appointments for both the kids and myself. This perpetual cycle of tasks made it nearly impossible for me to feel in the mood.
After some reflection, we came up with a plan: we would designate one night each week to focus on fulfilling each other’s unmet needs. My husband would manage childcare and prepare dinner, allowing me the time to relax and unwind. In return, I promised to reserve some energy for intimacy. We selected a night and committed to trying this for a month.
Months later, this approach has proven highly effective. Most weeks, a bit of personal time is all I need to rediscover my sexual desire. Importantly, my husband’s gesture of giving me time isn’t transactional; it’s a sincere effort to support me, and I genuinely strive to reciprocate.
Of course, it doesn’t always go as planned. Some nights, the kids are too chaotic, or I am simply too fatigued to engage. But that’s perfectly acceptable for both of us. The essential takeaway is that we are making a concerted effort to meet each other’s needs, which carries significant weight. Since implementing this schedule, we’ve also found ourselves more motivated to connect on unscheduled days.
A wise person once likened family dynamics to a triangle with three corners: the children, the couple, and the individual. It’s easy to lose sight of the couple’s and individual’s needs while focusing on the children, but neglecting these aspects can lead to an unbalanced triangle. Ultimately, prioritizing all three components is vital for the overall health of the family. Surprisingly, scheduling intimacy has helped us achieve this balance.
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In summary, scheduling intimacy has proven to be a beneficial strategy for enhancing our relationship and ensuring that both partners’ needs are met, ultimately strengthening our family unit.
Keyphrase: scheduling intimacy
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