Stay-at-home dads often encounter unusual remarks. Why is that? For many, the idea of a man taking on this role still seems novel. Although there’s been a notable rise in men opting for full-time caregiving, it often challenges typical gender norms. The responses we receive can range from innocuous to downright offensive. Whether at the playground, supermarket, or clinic, someone is bound to share their perspective. While many individuals, especially women, commend our efforts, there are still plenty who question our choices.
As a way to support fellow fathers, here are eight comments to avoid making toward a stay-at-home dad:
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“Does your partner run the show?”
Choosing to be a stay-at-home dad does not equate to relinquishing authority within the household. My partner and I view our relationship as a joint effort, where we both take on leadership roles. To be honest, my son and I often spend our mornings in our underwear. If others assume my partner is in charge because of this, that’s fine by me—she literally is in charge of the pants. -
“Did you get laid off?”
It’s hard for some to comprehend that a man might choose to stay home, leading them to assume I’ve lost my job or failed in my career. Consider this: if you can’t envision a father opting to care for his children, perhaps you’re limiting your understanding of fatherhood. A man’s identity isn’t solely tied to his job. Stay-at-home dads are still men, regardless of employment status. -
“Are you making a statement?”
No, I’m not trying to challenge gender roles. I’m simply making the best choice for my family. While my partner is an amazing mother, my temperament aligns better with the demands of staying at home. From sunup to sundown, I navigate a world of toys, spills, and the occasional nap battle. I’m not seeking accolades, but a badge would be nice. -
“When will you get a ‘real’ job?”
Have you spent time with a toddler? If you had, you’d know that keeping up with little ones is exhausting. Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs without a paycheck or benefits. If they skip their nap, prepare for chaos. -
“Is it strange for your partner to be the primary earner?”
Let’s be clear: this isn’t the 1950s, and outdated gender expectations should not dictate our lives. If you feel uncomfortable with a woman earning more, that’s your issue, not mine. True masculinity involves making choices that benefit the family, not just one’s pride. -
“Are you babysitting?”
This question can be infuriating. You wouldn’t ask a mother that, so why assume I’m babysitting? I’m a father, engaging in my parental duties. Babysitting is something teenagers do for extra cash, not what a parent does. -
“Are you Mr. Mom?”
No, I am not Mr. Mom. That term was amusing two decades ago, but it’s outdated. As a stay-at-home dad, I don’t need to change my identity to care for my children. -
“You must have lots of free time to watch TV all day?”
I watch a limited amount of TV, typically with my toddler. We enjoy educational shows like Sesame Street, not binge-watching adult dramas. During my child’s infancy, my only downtime was during nap time, which often turned into a much-needed snooze for me.
Next time someone questions my decision to be a stay-at-home dad, I’ll just tell them I retired early after winning the lottery.
In summary, stay-at-home dads face misconceptions that reflect broader societal views on gender roles and parenting. Understanding and respect are vital for fostering supportive conversations.
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