As I approach my 38th birthday, on the surface, it seems like I have everything in order. I graduated from college, married a wonderful partner, and welcomed four healthy children into the world. I have a stable job, a lovely home, and a supportive circle of friends, not to mention my health. Yet, I can’t shake this feeling of inadequacy, and here’s why.
During a recent gym session, I was introduced to a vibrant young woman. Our coach attempted to share an anecdote, prompting her to recount how she met a famous actor. I couldn’t focus on her story, as my internal dialogue was consumed with thoughts like, “What have you accomplished with your life?”
Once upon a time, I was just like her—20 years old, living in Los Angeles, pursuing a theater degree while juggling waitressing and acting gigs. There was a moment when I encountered a well-known comedian at a coffee shop. We had a delightful chat, but I lack any tangible proof of that encounter; just a fond memory. Now, standing next to a radiant 20-year-old, I feel like I’m trying to compete while coming off as rather desperate.
What made the situation even more awkward was the realization that I had set aside my acting aspirations and was now entrenched in a life in the Midwest. I anticipated her next question: “Do you still act?” I delivered my practiced response about relocating to save money, starting a family, and landing a university job that doesn’t utilize my theater degree but pays for my kids’ education. The reality is that I’m likely to remain in Indiana for the foreseeable future. So, no, I don’t act anymore—unless local commercials count, which I’m sure they don’t.
As she gradually distanced herself from me, I felt a wave of disappointment wash over me. I began to reflect on the goals I had set for myself in my younger years. While I may not have achieved an Oscar, I did fulfill many of my aspirations, including marrying a loving partner and finding financial stability, even if it didn’t look exactly as I had envisioned. Most importantly, I aimed to be happy.
It’s common for young adults to be uncertain of their future. I set broad objectives for myself, and I achieved them. Yet, somewhere along the way, I stopped pursuing my own aspirations and shifted my focus solely to my children’s futures.
This is where I feel I’ve faltered. Without personal goals, I risk drifting through life on autopilot. My children will find their own paths, but as I near 40, it’s time for me to carve out my own goals—beginning now by refraining from comparing myself to someone half my age. After all, it wouldn’t be a fair match; I have experience on my side.
In truth, I believe that there’s more ahead of me than I ever expected. The ambitions of my younger self could never have anticipated the vast potential I see in women over 40 today.
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In summary, approaching 40 doesn’t signify the end of aspirations; rather, it presents an opportunity for renewal and self-discovery. Embracing this new chapter means setting personal goals and not losing sight of my own ambitions.
Keyphrase: self-discovery at 40
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