Research indicates that family dinners are essential for children’s development. Studies suggest that kids who share meals regularly with their parents tend to be more intelligent, compassionate, and successful in their future endeavors. However, for me, there was a significant obstacle.
I absolutely dread family dinner.
My children have an early bedtime schedule, meaning that four nights a week, we eat before their father returns home from work. More often than not, this experience is pure agony. With two extremely picky eaters, meal planning becomes a stressful endeavor. Even if they were willing to try anything beyond chicken nuggets or strawberries, I lack any enthusiasm for cooking.
As soon as we gather at the table, I transform into a grumpy version of myself, constantly reminding them to sit properly and not to play with their food. Sometimes they actually eat, but more often than not, they create a mess—smeared hummus in their hair and yogurt on the chair. They also have a habit of bursting into silly songs they learned at camp, like: “Moose, Alpaca, Moose, Moose, Alpaca, Evil Mr. Coconut turned into a palm tree!” (Seriously?) While their singing can be delightful, it’s overwhelming at the dinner table. Halfway through, I find myself snapping at them to stop the noise, followed by a passive-aggressive retreat to wash the dishes, an act they remain blissfully unaware of.
During one of my therapy sessions, I expected my therapist to emphasize the importance of family dinners and offer strategies to improve the experience. Instead, she provided a refreshing perspective: “Don’t stress about family dinner. Just let it go.” She elaborated that the essence of family time lies not in rigidly adhering to a dinner schedule but rather in cultivating daily rituals that foster connection, attention, and communication without distractions or nagging. If sitting down for dinner works for your family, then that’s great! But if forcing your kids to eat dinner in peace only leads to chaos, it’s perfectly acceptable to find alternative ways to bond.
This was a revelation. I realized I could engage with my kids in various enjoyable ways—reading stories, coloring together, listening to their chatter on the way to school, singing, and snuggling at bedtime. I could even share breakfast with them, bolstered by the power of a good cup of coffee.
So, I have officially stepped back from the traditional family dinner. I still ensure my children are fed every single night, and occasionally I join them. On other nights, we take our Hello Kitty plates to the porch, where they munch on nuggets while running around, greeting neighbors, and collecting stones for their garden. Some evenings, I tidy up while they eat, finding that physical activity calms me, and on others, I read aloud as they enjoy their meals—one week, we even made it through the entire American Girl Catalog, which was much more pleasant than their constant bickering.
Now that I’ve abandoned the concept of family dinner, I can’t predict if my kids will attend an Ivy League school in the future. However, I am confident we’ll all reach their 18th birthdays together, thriving and connected.
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Summary:
In summary, letting go of the traditional family dinner has allowed for a more relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere for both myself and my children. By embracing alternative bonding methods, I’ve discovered that connection and communication can thrive without the constraints of a rigid meal schedule.
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