Like many new parents, I found myself utterly unprepared for the overwhelming responsibilities that come with raising children. It felt like I was an untrained performer in a circus trying to juggle the needs of my two kids alongside my partner, Mark, as we navigated our careers. We passed our children back and forth, hoping to keep everything from crashing down around us.
Looking back, I can confidently say we managed quite well, even if it didn’t always look perfect. Those early years were a whirlwind, with our kids often drawn to the dangers of the world around them. As a result, I developed valuable skills by repeatedly stepping in to save the day.
Fast forward to today, and we are now the proud parents of two relatively independent teenage daughters. While they occasionally need a last-minute rescue when they forget their house keys, they are mostly self-sufficient, capable of managing their own meals, and prefer spending their time with friends rather than us. Our household is now in a unique phase where they rely on us less, and rather than falling into the trap of over-parenting, I found myself with a void to fill—a superhero-sized gap where I used to shine.
Instead of retreating into a life of over-parenting, I embraced a new superhero identity that has nothing to do with my children. After our daughters grew older, Mark and I joined forces with some fellow neighborhood parents to start a rock band.
Yes, we began making music together in our 40s, but not children’s songs—music that resonates with us! Initially, we were far from proficient, often sounding more amateur than heroic. I took on the role of lead singer, but my voice would sometimes falter, and Mark, the bass player, could only manage basic lines. Our performances resembled those of middle-aged wannabes trying to relive their glory days.
However, once we let go of our need for perfection, our new musical journey became a liberating experience that allowed us to truly be ourselves. A few years later, we found ourselves performing at a middle school birthday party, and as the gym filled with energy during our rendition of “Seven Nation Army,” I realized we had transformed into a real rock band.
After some name changes and a lot of practice, we even recorded an album titled Forget About Gravity and made our way onto Spotify. I upgraded my wardrobe with black skinny jeans and a sequined tank top for performances. The more I engaged with this alternate identity, the more I felt fulfilled as not just a teacher and mom, but as an individual.
Balancing this with my day job as a dedicated middle school teacher and writer has been essential. I’m still the responsible person who meets deadlines, but when I step into the music studio, I shed my “mom” persona and thrive in my own space. Mark and I have also rekindled our connection; we’re not just co-parents anymore—we’re a duo, reminiscent of iconic musical couples.
In the early days of our music venture, our daughters showed little interest in our band. While they would politely tolerate a song or two, they would often retreat to their own activities, remarking, “It’s kinda loud, Mom,” yet acknowledging my joy. And indeed, we all relished our family time, even if it didn’t mean being together every moment.
I believe that every adult should carve out their own superhero identity. If you have a passion for rock music, create your own band—your first gig could be opening for us! You may start off feeling less than stellar, but remember that even superheroes face a learning curve.
If music isn’t your calling, what captures your interest? Perhaps you enjoy exploring new neighborhoods, knitting, poetry, baking, or even pursuing fitness challenges like triathlons. Superhero parents inspire others, so if your passion involves your kids, let that enthusiasm shine brightly.
Engage with others who share your interests, whether for competition or camaraderie. The internet is overflowing with communities of like-minded individuals. If you loved soccer in high school, there are likely adult leagues nearby waiting for you. Only you have the power to prioritize your own passions and grant yourself the time you need to explore them.
So, embrace that superhero within you—don’t label it as merely a “hobby.” Instead, recognize it as a vital aspect of living fully.
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Summary
Embracing a superhero identity beyond parenting can lead to personal fulfillment and creativity. Engaging in passions outside of parenthood not only enriches your life but strengthens relationships with your partner and supports a balanced family dynamic.
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superhero identity
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