A few weeks ago, my in-laws took my energetic toddler for the night, allowing my partner and me to celebrate an anniversary. The next day, we traveled to my parents’ house to say goodbye to my two younger siblings—one heading to law school in Oregon and the other off to Australia for a year. We capped off the weekend with a family gathering at our in-laws’ house on Sunday. It was a whirlwind of activity.
By the time Sunday night arrived, our little one was utterly fatigued. An evening spent with grandparents and no naps can really wear out a 2-year-old. You might assume that such a tired toddler would sleep soundly, but any seasoned parent knows that exhaustion often leads to a struggle for sleep. Instead of peacefully drifting off, he was fueled by a surge of toddler energy. By the time he finally surrendered to sleep, we were equally worn out and, in our naivety, hopeful for a later wake-up call the next morning. We were mistaken.
Stage 1: Denial
You’re deep in slumber, enjoying the tranquility, when a faint cry pierces the quiet. As the wails escalate, you awaken, groggy and disoriented. Is that him? It can’t be! What time is it? You close your eyes tightly, hoping the cries will cease. Surely, it’s just a fleeting nightmare. If you remain still, it will all blow over.
But it doesn’t stop. He only gets louder, now calling for you. Your partner stirs and asks, “Is that him?” You hesitate to respond, thinking that maybe if you remain quiet, he’ll go take care of it, and you can slip back into blissful sleep. You bury your face deeper into your pillow, allowing yourself a small smile as you think, I chose the right partner.
Stage 2: Anger
You snuggle back under the covers, trying to reclaim your sleep, but the conversation happening between your partner and toddler is impossible to ignore. “What’s wrong?” “Mommy!” “Do you want me to sing to you?” “No, Mommy!” “Do you want some water?” “No! Mommy!” You can feel your frustration bubbling. All day, your son wanted to be with his dad, but now, when you just want a moment of peace, he calls for you! Argh!
Your partner enters the room and says, “He wants you.” You let your exasperation show as you throw the covers off dramatically and let out an exaggerated sigh, “Ugh!”
Stage 3: Bargaining
You pull yourself from bed, taking a moment to gather your thoughts before heading to your toddler’s room. You find him standing in his crib; at least he’s contained. He points to the chair beside him and demands, “Song!” Here begins the negotiation. “Alright, one song, then it’s off to sleep.” You manage to croak out the ABCs (the shortest option) while pondering why your raspy, midnight voice is so appealing to him. After finishing, you attempt to leave, only to be interrupted—“Water!” “Okay, just a little, but then you must sleep.” Soon enough, you find yourself on an endless cycle of more drinks, more hugs, and more songs.
Stage 4: Depression
“I will never sleep again,” you think, feeling doomed to be in this room for hours, pleading with a tiny human to just close his eyes. You slump into the chair next to the crib, resting your head on the railing, tears threatening to spill. You glance at your toddler, who is now bouncing with joy, completely unfazed by the late hour. He can sleep anytime he wants, while you mourn the precious nighttime hours slipping away. You blink back tears and begin to count them out loud, feeling utterly defeated.
Stage 5: Acceptance
You wipe your tears and lift your toddler from the crib. He immediately snuggles his little head against your shoulder as you walk back to your bedroom. You place him in your bed and lay beside him. “You can sleep here for the night, but you have to sleep nicely.” You chuckle to yourself, wondering what “sleep nicely” even means. As you cozy up next to your adorable toddler, you think, maybe just for tonight, this isn’t so bad.
However, it isn’t long before you’re jolted awake around 4:30 a.m. by a tiny foot unexpectedly landing on your face, reminding you of exactly what “sleep nicely” entails.
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In summary, parenting a toddler who struggles with sleep can take you through a rollercoaster of emotions—from denial and anger to bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Each stage is a reminder of the challenges and joys of parenthood, especially during those sleepless nights.
Keyphrase: Parenting a toddler who can’t sleep
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