When it comes to parenting, your own parents often serve as the benchmark against which you assess your effectiveness. Whether you aim to meet their expectations or strive to surpass them, their influence is inescapable.
My parents always presented a polished image. By the time my siblings and I encountered rules or plans, they were already set in stone. They successfully nurtured three imaginative children, yet punctuality, lengthy planning, and strict regulations were ideals we admired but didn’t quite embody. It seems we have diverged from that particular branch of the family tree.
Unsurprisingly, my siblings and I exhibit significant differences despite our shared upbringing. It’s a fascinating aspect of parenting—same household, same environment, same parents—but we have each carved out distinct lives and careers. While all three of us are creative—one is a reproductive endocrinologist, another an interior decorator, and I am a writer—we produce vastly different works.
Even as adults in our 40s and 50s, we remain somewhat tethered to our parents’ expectations. We strive to act correctly, a trait we see mirrored in our own children. We understand the importance of dressing appropriately for any event, often choosing to err on the side of formality. We’ve instilled in our kids a strong moral and ethical foundation rooted in our Jewish heritage, while still allowing for the occasional indulgence of lobster nights and cheeseburgers, or even movie outings on Friday evenings.
Though we are comfortably situated in middle age, we continue to weigh our choices with the thought: What will our parents think? Their influence serves as our collective moral compass, guiding us as adults, parents, partners, and responsible citizens. It’s no wonder that this legacy feels like a formidable act to follow.
I vividly recall the first night I spent with my newborn daughter, Clara, cradling her tiny hands in mine as I gazed into her wide, innocent eyes. I mused aloud, “What could I possibly do to mess you up over the next 17 years?” She cooed softly, her expression angelic. Now approaching 14, I can only imagine the list she might prepare if I asked her that question again. Just last month, while packing her for summer camp—right in that same spot where I first held her—I was met with a “don’t be so overbearing, Mom.” Indeed, her future list of grievances is likely to be lengthy.
Our children express their love for us endlessly, which sometimes makes me wonder if it’s a result of mild Stockholm Syndrome. Yet, I believe it’s genuine affection, bordering on a companionate friendship. Still, I cannot shake the feeling of guilt—an elusive cloud hovering over me—wondering what I might be doing to complicate their lives as they grow into adulthood. Maybe I should refrain from mentioning them in essays like this, but perhaps I am merely providing material for their future therapy sessions.
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In conclusion, the influence of our parents can feel like a heavy mantle to bear. While we strive to honor their legacy, we also seek to forge our own paths as individuals and parents, navigating the complexities of raising the next generation.
Keyphrase: Parenting Influence
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