As parents prepare their children for college, many will find themselves discussing crucial topics with their daughters, particularly around the issue of sexual assault on campuses. This important conversation encompasses how to safeguard themselves and what actions to take in the event of an incident. Given the rising concerns surrounding campus sexual assault, it would be remiss for parents to overlook this discussion with their teenage daughters. However, according to Dr. Mark Thompson, a physician specializing in adolescent male health, college represents a time of “unprecedented sexual vulnerability” for young men as well.
In an insightful op-ed published in the Journal of Social Health, Dr. Thompson highlights that male-on-male sexual assault is a significant issue on college campuses. Yet, female-on-male sexual assault tends to receive less attention. The National Crime Victimization Survey from 2013 revealed that, of the 40,000 households surveyed regarding rape and sexual violence, 38% of reported incidents were against men. The same study indicated that women were responsible for 46% of the sexual assaults reported by males.
The underreporting of sexual assaults against boys and men is largely fueled by the pervasive cultural myth that “real men” are perpetually ready for sexual encounters. Dr. Thompson notes that 3 to 4 percent of young men in his practice have reported that their “first experience” occurred before the age of 10. While this is indeed alarming, many of these young men do not necessarily classify the events as traumatic or abusive. Additionally, Dr. Thompson shares accounts of slightly older boys—ages 12 to college—who have resisted unwanted sexual advances from girls, including situations where they have woken up to find a girl engaging in sexual acts with them.
He elaborates, “Such experiences can be particularly bewildering for young men who have internalized the cultural narrative that ‘real men’ are always eager for sex. Sexual activity is frequently viewed as a mark of honor. Young men who hesitate or decline may be disparaged as ‘gay,’ a term that continues to carry negative connotations in many circles. Both of these factors likely contribute to the underreporting of sexual assault among boys and young men.”
While the heightened awareness of sexual assault against women has underscored the vulnerability of college-age females, the plight of boys often goes unnoticed. Society predominantly perceives boys as sexually aggressive and uninterested in refusal, leading to misconceptions about their susceptibility to sexual violence. This is compounded by the physical strength often associated with boys, who are generally larger than girls, fostering a belief that it’s inconceivable for boys to be victims of sexual assault.
As a mother to sons, I feel a strong obligation to educate them about personal boundaries—emphasizing that they have the right to say “stop” if someone attempts to touch them inappropriately. However, as I reflect on their teenage years, my focus has primarily been on the vulnerabilities faced by girls within their peer group. Therefore, I must expand the discussions I have with my sons to include their own sexual boundaries, how to deflect unwanted advances, and, regrettably, the process for reporting an assault if necessary.
Dr. Thompson acknowledges that, while the prevalence of sexual assault against boys is not as widespread as for girls, further research is essential to fully understand its extent. This begins with educating young men about their rights and responsibilities regarding their own bodies and sexual experiences. The damaging myth that “real men” are always inclined towards sexual activity must be dismantled.
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In summary, it is vital for parents to engage in open conversations with their sons about sexual boundaries and the realities of sexual assault. By fostering an understanding that “real men” do not always desire sex, we can help break down harmful stereotypes and support healthy attitudes toward consent and personal autonomy.
Keyphrase: “Real men and sexual consent”
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