Updated: Dec. 18, 2015
Originally Published: Aug. 13, 2015
While my 8-year-old daughter, Lily, engaged in a game of football with her father, an unfamiliar man passing by commented on her skills. It was unclear whether his admiration stemmed from her being a girl, but the implication was certainly there. After this remark, I heard my husband respond, “Yeah, she has two brothers.” This response made me flinch. The suggestion that Lily’s talent was noteworthy solely because she is female, coupled with the notion that her brothers somehow contributed to this, struck a nerve that I hadn’t felt until I became a mother.
As a girl, I faced different expectations than my brother did. Growing up, I absorbed the cautionary tales my parents shared with my sisters and me but rarely directed at him. As a young adult, I was acutely aware of the pay gap and the unsolicited comments I received while walking down the street. I didn’t actively rebel against these societal norms; rather, I accepted them as part of my reality. I was often praised for my appearance, which I later realized overshadowed my accomplishments.
However, everything changed once I became a mother to a daughter. I recognize that I might warn Lily to be cautious more often than I do my son, Max. Although both children face similar dangers, I know that society often views boys through a different lens, leading me to worry less about Max. I intend to teach Lily that she can excel in any field—be it arts, sciences, politics, or sports. I want her to understand that compliments rooted in sexism can be met with confidence, whether she responds with a simple “thank you” or “I’ve been practicing.” She shouldn’t feel obligated to justify her abilities.
I understand that being surrounded by brothers who play sports can help develop a sister’s skills. But let’s be clear: not all boys are interested in athletics, and not every girl is drawn to dolls. A child’s interests cannot be dictated by parental expectations, nor should anyone assume ownership of another’s achievements. Moreover, I doubt that fathers of young boys often qualify their sons’ athletic talents in the same way.
Lily can throw and catch a football not because of having brothers; she can do so because she has practiced and honed her skills. Her abilities do not require validation. I prefer to avoid heavy labels, but if teaching Lily these lessons aligns with the principles of feminism, then I embrace it wholeheartedly.
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In summary, my experiences as a mother have reshaped my views on gender equality and feminism. I strive to empower my daughter to embrace her abilities and navigate a world still rife with gender disparities.
Keyphrase: Feminism and Parenting
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