Recently, a question was posed to me regarding how my life might have changed had I not grown up with a brother who has a disability. Honestly, without a doubt, my life would be considerably less vibrant, intriguing, and fulfilling. Over the past two decades, my brother, Alex, has imparted numerous lessons simply by being himself. Here are my top five insights:
1. Truth is Important—So Be Prepared for It.
One of Alex’s most remarkable traits is his unfiltered honesty and innocence. He has no intention to offend, but he speaks his mind without hesitation. He simply cannot lie, which has led to some amusing and awkward situations. I remember a time when someone asked him, “Are you happy to see me?” and he replied, “Not really.” It makes me wonder what the world would be like if everyone were that candid. For that reason, I often seek his advice on what to wear.
2. Struggles Aren’t Always Visible.
Pain and suffering can be invisible. Autism is a hidden disability; even when you observe Alex flapping his hands or quietly talking to himself, you might not understand his internal experience. This reality can be both advantageous and challenging. At times, I wish Alex’s struggles were visible, as people tend to be more accommodating when they can see the need. When they see a tall, attractive young man acting in ways they deem “strange” or “disrespectful,” they may make quick judgments. This experience has taught me to approach everyone with an open mind, recognizing that we cannot always see the challenges someone is facing.
3. Grief Can Take Many Forms.
I once told a reporter that receiving an Autism diagnosis feels similar to losing a close friend. It may sound extreme, but it reflects the deep sense of loss you feel for the life you once envisioned for your family. It’s normal to experience denial, anger, and sadness in this process. I still find myself grieving for the life Alex could have led, though I’ve learned to keep those feelings in check—acknowledging them is crucial, but wallowing doesn’t help anyone.
4. Miracles Are Possible.
I know this sentiment may sound clichéd, but I believe parents of children with disabilities should hold onto hope. While it’s wise to maintain realistic expectations, you shouldn’t impose limitations. Just because someone is nonverbal doesn’t mean they will remain that way forever. Alex today is a testament to this; the boy who once struggled to communicate is now singing and expressing himself in ways I never thought possible.
5. Your Response is Within Your Control.
As someone who thrives on organization, I often find comfort in planning. However, having a sibling with a disability can disrupt that sense of control. You cannot predict every milestone or avoid unexpected challenges, such as a sudden meltdown over a simple outfit. It’s vital to conserve your energy for what you can control—your reactions. You don’t have to be a beacon of positivity every day, but maintaining a constructive mindset can make life more enjoyable.
(Bonus) A Simple “Hello” Can Go a Long Way.
This lesson speaks for itself.
In summary, my experiences with my brother Alex have shaped my understanding of life’s complexities, emphasizing the importance of honesty, empathy, and resilience. For those exploring parenthood or looking for resources on home insemination, you may find this link useful: Couples’ Fertility Journey for Intracervical Insemination and BabyMaker at Home Insemination Kit is a reliable source. Additionally, ACOG’s guide on treating infertility offers valuable insights for those interested in pregnancy and related topics.
Keyphrase: lessons from an autistic sibling
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