Your father called me at work to relay that you mentioned I neglected to teach you the art of laundry. While you might perceive this as a parental oversight, it was actually a strategic choice. I handled your laundry for the past 18 years so you could concentrate on more pressing matters like academics, building your resume, and enhancing your social status on the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app.
However, with your move to the dorms happening tomorrow, it’s time for a crash course. Here’s a straightforward guide:
- Check Care Labels: Inspect the labels on any high-value or delicate items to determine if they require dry cleaning. Set those garments aside. On second thought, let’s skip the dry cleaning. Why invest in something that’s labeled as dry-clean only? Let’s donate it and take a tax deduction; we could use the funds for your college expenses.
- Sort Your Laundry: Separate your clothes by color. Dark shades like blues, blacks, and purples should go in one pile, while reds, oranges, and pinks form another. Keep whites in a separate category. If you decide to mix reds with whites, your wardrobe will revert to the all-pink phase reminiscent of your childhood.
- Initiate Washing Process: Ready to wash? Start by tossing the darks into the machine. Set the water to cold and select a washing duration—8, 10, or 12 minutes; it’s all relatively flexible. Use a capful of detergent (or even less since it’s pricey and your clothes don’t usually get too smelly). Start the machine by pulling a knob or pressing a button.
- Post-Wash Handling: Once the cycle ends (i.e., the machine stops its vibrating), it’s time for another sorting. Remove any items that should hang-dry, such as your short shorts and delicate tops. Hang them in your room using hooks, doors, or even chairs, but make sure not to infringe on your roommates’ space. Speaking of roommates, remember that sharing a cramped room with two other people is a challenge, so be considerate. Clean up after yourself and avoid food remnants to prevent pests. However, don’t hesitate to speak up if they bring home guests consistently.
- Handling Red Clothes: For the red garments, repeat steps 3 and 4. If your reds are particularly dated and machine availability is low, you can mix them with the dark load. Given the cost of your college tuition, there should be ample machines. Don’t forget that you are a paying customer at that institution; if you encounter issues with class availability, be proactive in addressing them. Avoid enrolling in “Finnish Folk Art and Technology” or “The Films of Jean-Claude Van Damme” unless you want to extend your graduation timeline and rack up extra expenses. Building relationships with your professors is crucial; don’t worry about being labeled a teacher’s pet—it’s necessary for your success.
- Wash Whites: For whites, adjust the water temperature to hot. Follow the same steps, but this time add half a cup of bleach to the designated compartment. Remember, your primary job is to focus on your education. Prioritize studying before socializing. Balance is essential; if you choose to disregard our advice, at least avoid becoming the most intoxicated person at any gathering. Be cautious of dubious substances with catchy names like Smiles or Spice. Stick to traditional options like marijuana, but moderation is key.
- Drying Your Laundry: For those items that don’t require hang-drying, combine them for one efficient dryer load. Set the dryer to medium or low to avoid the dreaded “Freshman 15.”
As a quick reminder, wash your towels every few days and your sheets weekly but never let them go for more than two weeks. Consider purchasing dryer sheets, and remember: always practice safe habits. Above all, enjoy this time; you’ll look back and long for these carefree days.
Love, Mom
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In summary, learning to do laundry is essential for your independence as you transition to college life. By following these steps, you’ll be able to manage your laundry efficiently, ensuring your clothes are taken care of while you focus on your studies and enjoy your new environment.
Keyphrase: College Laundry Guide
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