This article is part of a three-part series titled “Preparing for College,” aimed at equipping your teenagers for their transition away from home. In June, we discussed essential conversations to have with your incoming freshman and what contributes to their success during their first college year. In July, we focused on dorm shopping and provided valuable tips for budget-friendly purchases.
August emphasizes the logistics of moving in and the emotional aspects of letting go. This month is filled with conflicting emotions, blending sorrow with pride.
Two decades ago, the arrival of our children dramatically altered our lives, and this transition is equally significant. It’s important to approach this change with kindness to yourself; adjusting will not happen overnight. The initial transition felt overwhelming, so it’s no surprise this one does too.
As August progresses, the countdown becomes more pronounced. What began as months dwindles to weeks and then days. As my son’s departure approached, I reminded myself: You can experience pain now or later, but it’s inevitable. During an interview, I candidly shared my coping mechanism for my son’s impending college journey: denial. Worrying and sulking wouldn’t benefit me and would only burden him, especially knowing our family dynamics would inevitably shift. I decided to focus on the day of departure rather than dwell on it beforehand.
Here are three strategies to effectively prepare for move-in day and the subsequent separation:
- Organize Move-In Day
Visit your child’s university website to review the move-in schedule and see if there are any formal programs for families. Attending family orientation, whether it spans a day or just an hour, can help you feel more connected to your child’s new environment. Additionally, check for parents’ weekend dates and consider booking accommodations now, especially if the school is located far from urban centers. - Families often choose to arrive early to familiarize themselves with the campus. Some prefer to show up the night before or the morning of move-in day, allowing time for last-minute shopping for essentials. There’s no right approach; I opted for a quick, albeit emotionally taxing, strategy: unpack my son’s belongings and leave. Lingering felt like intruding on his new life.
- On move-in day, consider visiting the health center to have your child sign a release form, permitting medical professionals to communicate with you in case of emergencies. This small precaution can be invaluable later on.
- Prepare for Your Farewell
You may feel most unnecessary as you finish setting up your child’s dorm room. After attending orientation and engaging with fellow parents, all that remains is to say goodbye. Most universities designate a specific time for families to part ways, and it’s essential to adhere to this schedule to avoid overstaying your welcome. While some parents wish to share a final meal with their freshman, the act of leaving can be likened to swiftly removing a Band-Aid—best done quickly and without hesitation. - Colleges are aware of this emotional dynamic. If they don’t encourage us to leave, we risk becoming that lingering parent. Many admit to crying during the drive home, but it’s wise to maintain composure while still on campus, as your child might be preoccupied with their own feelings.
- Professor James Parker from State University wisely advises parents to cherish this moment. “Each child only starts college once; such moments are rare and offer a unique opportunity to impart wisdom,” he emphasizes. Think about the meaningful messages you want to convey—life lessons that will resonate with them during this new chapter.
- Establish Communication Plans
To stay informed about campus life, consider reading the university’s daily newspaper online or subscribing to updates via email. Bookmark the parent page on the school website for key dates like parents’ weekend and breaks. Many institutions offer parent associations that provide insights without invading your child’s privacy. - While it’s common advice to give your child space, maintaining more frequent communication initially can be beneficial. Freshmen often experience homesickness or loneliness, and regular check-ins can reassure them they are not alone. Remember how they would run to you when they needed support at the playground? College is similar; they are learning independence, while we are learning to let go.
In summary, preparing for your child’s transition to college involves careful planning for move-in day, a thoughtful farewell, and establishing effective lines of communication. Embrace this unique period in both your lives and provide support as they embark on this significant journey.
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