It’s often said that time flies, and I can attest to that—these years have truly zipped by. While life has become easier in many respects compared to the early days filled with diapers, car seat struggles, and relentless tantrums, some aspects remain unchanged (hello, smelly sports gear and the occasional outburst).
For me, the most significant challenge of parenting an almost-teenager lies in striking a balance between the freedom they crave and the boundaries I find acceptable. I wouldn’t classify myself as a hovering parent, but I recognize that the world today is vastly different from the one I grew up in, where I could roam freely with friends for hours without anyone worrying.
I genuinely appreciate the notion of my son enjoying some independence. We live in a fairly safe neighborhood, and I’d prefer he spend time biking around than glued to a violent video game. However, allowing him to venture beyond our front gate presents its own risks. His developing brain might not fully grasp that racing his friend down the street on a bicycle can be perilous. So, as a parent who understands the importance of freedom and risk in a child’s development, yet desires to keep them safe, what steps can one take?
I know I’m not alone in facing these parenting dilemmas, so I’d like to share five strategies that help me navigate the tightrope of freedom and responsibility with my almost-teen (most of the time—I don’t claim to be flawless!).
- Maintain Awareness: It’s crucial to know where your child is, who they’re with, and when they’re expected home. Being clear about these points allows for any deviations from the set expectations to be addressed effectively.
- Utilize Technology: In today’s world, most kids own a phone. My rule is straightforward: if I call, you answer; if I text, you respond in a reasonable time frame. If these conditions aren’t met, the next time you want to hang out with friends, my answer may be different.
- Get Acquainted with Friends: Understanding your child’s friends is essential. Make your home a welcoming space for them to gather by setting up a comfortable area for socializing.
- Stay Informed about Social Media: Is your child on platforms like Instagram, Ask.fm, Snapchat, or Kik? It’s vital to be aware of their online presence. Ignoring these aspects won’t benefit anyone. Open lines of communication about their online activities are essential. In our household, the rules are clear: I pay for your phone, therefore, I know the passcode. I’m aware of the social media apps my son uses, and we’re connected on Instagram (as long as I don’t comment, he’s cool with this).
- Embrace the 3 Cs: My guiding principles are communication, consistency, and consequences. If I clearly communicate my expectations and they are not met, I maintain consistency by following through with consequences appropriate to the situation. While consequences differ based on age and the infraction, losing access to devices tends to be effective as kids grow older.
As children age, their desire for freedom increases, while parents strive to ensure they remain responsible and safe. By reframing the situation as a compromise instead of a power struggle—acknowledging that they may not be as responsible as desired, but will need to accept less freedom than they prefer—parenting can become significantly less stressful. Until puberty arrives, of course: that’s a whole other F-word narrative!
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In summary, parenting an almost-teen involves navigating the delicate balance of granting freedom while ensuring safety. Through communication, understanding, and consistent boundaries, it is possible to foster a healthy growth environment.
Keyphrase: Parenting an Almost-Teen
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