One aspect of adulthood that often goes unmentioned is the challenge of forming new friendships. Many find that once they graduate from the structured environment of school, the natural opportunities for meeting people diminish. Gone are the group projects and prearranged social gatherings. While it’s common to make acquaintances at work, only a select few will evolve into what I refer to as “true friends” – those individuals you welcome into your personal life, free from the pressures of professional evaluations and performance metrics.
Typically, you may spend a significant amount of time with coworkers, yet these relationships often fade when job changes occur. The camaraderie built during office hours rarely translates into lasting friendships, leaving individuals with the stark realization that they may be navigating adulthood largely alone.
Four years ago, I left a stable corporate position, where I had formed several work friendships, and relocated two hours away. This decision meant leaving behind familiar faces and social interactions. I enrolled in a low-residency MFA program in creative writing, primarily conducted online, with only two short residencies each year. While I began to connect with peers in my program, most resided far away in California.
So, what should a single adult do when separated from familiar environments and family? Without children or a traditional office setting, I found myself outside the usual channels for friendship. Writing is generally a solitary pursuit, and engaging in conversation with my dog wasn’t particularly effective for fostering connections. Although I wasn’t lonely or unhappy most days, my MFA experience had honed my ability to sustain long-distance friendships and maintain an online community.
Unexpectedly, my life took a turn when I began training to be a guide at a local historic house museum. My fellow trainees hailed from various backgrounds and life stages: parents and non-parents, married individuals and singles. Among them were a real estate agent, a landscape architect, a modeling agent, and even a woman with over two million frequent flyer miles. We dedicated hours to studying and training together, sharing our personal experiences, and shadowing established guides.
The extensive knowledge we needed to absorb created a unique bond. We initiated a group email thread to exchange helpful tips and insights. As we progressed toward our auditions, friendships blossomed. After our final training day, we gathered for dinner at the real estate agent’s home, where we shared stories and laughs, discussing topics beyond our training.
I expressed my surprise and joy at having formed such genuine friendships in such a short time. “I feel comfortable being myself with you all,” I remarked, realizing that the absence of any competitive atmosphere allowed us to connect without pretense. “It’s because we’re not competing against each other,” said the frequent traveler among us. She was correct. In a work environment, colleagues are often viewed as potential rivals, leading to a guarded approach in friendships.
As adults, we often feel compelled to play specific roles, whether in professional or parental settings. The pressure to present our best selves can sometimes prevent authentic connections. In my past, making friends involved a careful calculation of how much of my true self to reveal. However, over the past four years, I’ve grown more comfortable in my own skin, perhaps due to the wisdom that comes with age or the confidence gained from my career transition. I now focus less on seeking approval and more on appreciating others for who they are.
This newfound confidence has helped me embrace my new friends. We approached our training as equals, celebrating each other’s achievements without jealousy. This experience has taught me that genuine adult friendships are possible, built on honesty and openness. Regardless of what the future holds, I hope these connections will endure and enrich our lives for years to come. This, I believe, is a testament to advanced adulting skills.
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In summary, forming adult friendships can be challenging but is achievable through shared experiences and genuine interactions. Embrace opportunities to connect with others, and remember that honesty and openness are your best tools in building lasting relationships.
Keyphrase: adult friendships
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