When I asked my friend Sarah to drive me to the airport at 6 a.m. one August, she responded with an enthusiastic, “Absolutely!” She even offered to assist me in finding a new place to live, describing it as “exciting.”
Forget that my car was once broken into by an intruder during a previous parking stint in the city. Each of my other friends, regardless of gender (including my mother), declined my request for someone to watch my car during my trip from Boston to New York for a family medical emergency. That is, except for one. Lisa stepped up, saying, “Of course!” Relieved, I offered to bring her some snacks and reading material to make the experience more enjoyable. “No need,” she replied. “I’ll just people-watch. It’ll be fun.”
As we approach our 40s and beyond, there seems to be a natural distinction between different types of friendships. We begin to seek out friends who provide reliability over mere amusement. My more flamboyant friends certainly keep my life interesting, and I appreciate them for that; however, I have come to cherish those who are dependable enough to help me with practical tasks or show up when they promise.
When I needed quotes for a graduate school project on a unique topic, Lisa faced her shyness head-on, stopping by a local establishment on her way home from work to gather feedback from customers. Despite her quiet demeanor, many people overlook the vibrant personality I’ve come to admire over our years of friendship. She’s an excellent cook, a talented dancer, and adventurous enough to try new things, yet she doesn’t always stand out.
Contrast this with my college friend, “Rachel.” Everyone admired Rachel’s charm, talent, and beauty. However, once we graduated, I found myself making all the plans and maintaining our connection. When I stopped reaching out, so did she.
I would choose Mia over a thousand radiant Rachels. Mia agreed to join me at a concert, even though she wasn’t particularly a fan of the artist. The only challenge was my fear of crowds, which was heightened by the setting of the concert. Mia reassured me that if I felt uneasy, all I had to do was look at her, and we would leave without hesitation. If Rachel is a masterpiece, then Mia is a comforting embrace.
This isn’t to imply that my more reliable friends are any less engaging than the vibrant ones; they are smart and entertaining in their own right, just in a more understated way. I could easily turn to Mia, Sarah, Lisa, and others for assistance with anything. They are the essential nutrients in my life, while Rachel is more like a spice—enjoyable in small doses but not sustaining.
In my earlier years, friendships often leaned more towards the dazzling than the substantial. For instance, I once met “Nina,” who captivated me with her charisma. For weeks, we were inseparable until she abruptly distanced herself, leaving me puzzled by the sudden change. Now, as I nurture new friendships, I remind myself of the wisdom that what ignites quickly often fades just as fast.
My romantic preferences have also evolved. In my youth, I was drawn to the brooding artistic types. While my husband is kind and talented, I often wonder if I would have preferred a more stable partner—someone more inclined to fix a sink than write me a love poem. If I could advise my younger self, I would suggest steering clear of the tortured artists, as their emotional struggles can become overwhelming. Nowadays, I would rather witness someone tackling practical challenges than lamenting life’s hardships.
In the past, my circle included many who shone brightly but quickly extinguished. Today, my ideal friends would embody qualities akin to those found in the Boy Scout law: trustworthy, loyal, kind, and helpful. While I do not approach friendships with a transactional mindset, I appreciate those who go beyond mere companionship to genuinely support me.
In summary, as I navigate through life’s complexities, I recognize the immense value of friends who offer steadfastness and support rather than just excitement. While the thrill of new experiences is enjoyable, it is the enduring friendships that provide a solid foundation for growth and resilience.
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Keyphrase: Friendship Over Excitement
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