Updated: August 5, 2023
Originally Published: June 24, 2015
“Uncle Mark believes we shouldn’t see the new animated movie, but honestly, it’s not even that bad. So I’m texting you anyway. Can we still go, right? I mean, it’s just a movie.”
With a sigh, I firmly planted my feet by the fence. The animated film could wait. As my partner navigated the transition, I dashed through the trees to catch him as he poured water over himself before heading to the running course. The oppressive heat and humidity that day were overwhelming, even for a bystander. I finally found a shady spot, pulled out my phone, and texted my son.
“I’m 99 percent certain you can watch the movie when I get back,” I messaged. “But can we avoid any conflicts while I’m away? I don’t want to assert my authority and create tension. Does that make sense?”
I anticipated resistance, an argument that I simply didn’t have the energy to engage in. But to my surprise, just moments later, as I walked toward an air-conditioned restaurant for lunch, he replied, “OK, that’s fine.” I read it twice to ensure I wasn’t imagining things.
Once I reached the cool comfort of the restaurant, I was struck by the rare clarity and calmness with which the situation had unfolded. There were no accusations, no arguments, no threats—just clear communication and a resolution grounded in mutual respect.
This wasn’t the first time I had found that texting allowed me to parent more effectively. When my children pester me for a favor—like a sudden change in plans or wanting new clothes from the other side of the mall—a firm “No” via text, perhaps with a concise explanation, helps me avoid the inevitable back-and-forth that typically leads to me losing my cool. The silence that follows my message encourages me to maintain that same calmness when we’re together again, preventing further discussion on the matter.
At its essence, the inherent delay in texting serves as a valuable filtering mechanism. By the time I send my message, I’ve already reflected on whether it accurately conveys my thoughts. This “parenting time-out” is invaluable when I can implement it, and texting creates that opportunity consistently.
Being a writer, I require time to deliberate on my words, to refine my thoughts. I’m the individual who revises a social media post multiple times before sharing it or deleting it altogether. Speaking off the cuff is not my forte, which is why my career path veered away from law.
During law school, I had envisioned attorneys as having scripts, akin to the theater performances I had been a part of. Yet, the reality of law is that every case is unique, and there isn’t a definitive rulebook to ensure success. Unfortunately, my children didn’t come with such manuals either; there’s no magical guide to decipher their tears or understand their needs.
In a few weeks, both of my kids will enter their teenage years, and I still have no guidebooks on what to say. I have yet to discover the magical pause button that could prevent me from making regrettable comments.
Except when I’m texting, where a convenient time-out option is always at my fingertips. While it may not be a complete solution, as my children gain more independence and spend time away from home—or me—texting may prove to be increasingly beneficial.
Perhaps, when we are together, I can hold my phone while conversing, using that texting “pause” to remind myself to think before I speak.
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Summary
Texting can be a valuable tool for effective parenting, providing a time buffer that allows for thoughtful communication. By utilizing this method, parents can avoid conflicts and maintain a calmer atmosphere when addressing their children’s needs. As kids grow more independent, this approach may become even more useful.
Keyphrase: effective parenting through texting
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