It had been one of those chaotic days filled with toddler tantrums when I called my spouse, hoping to find out if he was finished with work yet. I desperately needed a break, or at least some support. When he answered and confirmed he was on his way home, I mentioned we were going to order pizza, since I hadn’t managed to prepare any food amidst the chaos of messes, screaming, and time-outs. He seemed cheerful and suggested, “What if we all go out to dinner instead?”
After a grueling day of constant disputes and crying, the thought of taking our little ones out in public felt overwhelming. “Honey, I just can’t. Today’s been really tough, and I just can’t do it,” I replied. His silence signaled his disappointment. With an exasperated sigh, I reluctantly said, “FINE. I’ll get the kids ready.”
In frustration, I brushed my daughter’s hair, wiped the kids’ faces, and dressed them up. As we loaded into the car, I shot him a glare and muttered, “You owe me.”
Later that evening, which turned out to be better than I expected, I reflected on my comment and had an important realization. The phrase “you owe me” has no place in a marriage.
It carries an implication that the other person must reciprocate with something nice, or else face resentment, emotional withdrawal, or a lack of commitment to their marital responsibilities. In essence, it undermines the very foundation of marriage, which is built on mutual respect and love. Common vows often emphasize commitment “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,” underscoring the essence of selfless love.
Marriage is a partnership where honoring each other is paramount. The notion of “you owe me” drains love and appreciation from a relationship. While marriage does involve give-and-take, it is equally about prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own. It is about sacrificial love — choosing to set aside personal satisfaction in favor of what makes your partner happy.
When I said “you owe me,” I was essentially declaring, “We are not equal partners right now. I hold the upper hand, and you better find a way to repay me.” This placed undue pressure on him, making him feel obligated to compensate me immediately, which strips away his ability to love me freely and willingly. That is not what love should be about.
Marriage can be challenging, and even strong relationships encounter difficulties. I choose not to complicate my marriage by demanding favors in return. Instead, I strive to love selflessly, just as I pledged to do on my wedding day.
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In conclusion, it’s essential to foster a loving environment in marriage where expectations of reciprocity do not overshadow the commitment to selfless love.
Keyphrase: “you owe me in marriage”
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