To the man who became the father of my children,
Happy Father’s Day.
It has been some time since you last interacted with the boys. I wonder if today will serve as a turning point. After all, this day is meant to honor you as their father. Yet, your absence has left a void that cannot be filled.
Today isn’t about assigning blame; it’s not a moment to overshadow your significance in their lives. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Days like this highlight the sorrow of our circumstances. They remind me of how much you have distanced yourself, and how your sons and I can’t change that reality. Yet, despite the separation, they still yearn for you.
Though it’s been weeks since they last saw you, they still believe you are their hero. When you canceled your visit last weekend, their little hearts were crushed. They looked at me with innocent eyes, asking, “Is daddy still sick?” I held back my tears as I replied, “Yes, sweethearts, daddy is still sick. I’m sorry.”
You chose not to answer my call. You claimed you couldn’t muster the strength to explain to them why you weren’t there. That responsibility fell to me. It pains me to see their excitement when you promise to visit, only to let them down. Yet, I’m grateful that their love for you remains strong.
At this moment, they love you as I once did, without conditions. They love you purely for who you are. Their love is fierce, yet it is also delicate. You should be the one who nurtures and protects that love, not shatters it.
Recently, I stumbled upon a video from two Father’s Days ago. You were playing with the boys, laughter echoing throughout our home. You were sober and happy; you were their dad. They squealed with delight as you chased them, and in that moment, we were an intact family—the kind I always envisioned.
I don’t know what thoughts occupied your mind then, but you were embodying the father our boys deserve. Today, that father seems lost, and it’s heartbreaking.
I’ve found strength in letting go of the hurt for myself, but your sons haven’t found that strength. They cling to you, and likely always will. You are their father, a title that remains regardless of your choices. Whether you choose to spiral further or seek redemption, you will always be their father, but the role of “dad” is uncertain.
I am grateful that, despite your absence, the boys have strong male figures in their lives—my father and brothers. Yet, they still bear the weight of a father-shaped void in their hearts, even at such a young age. That void should be filled by you.
Observing your life choices fills me with sadness—not only for our children but for you as well. I realize that I feel more heartbroken for you than you do for yourself. Change will only come when your heart breaks enough for you to act.
Until then, it is your sons who suffer. They have a father, but they lack a dad. They turn to me for answers about your absence and the reasons behind your ongoing struggles.
I cannot predict if you will ever recognize the importance of your role. Your father did not understand his, and now you seem to be missing yours.
However, I assure you of one thing: I will always uphold your significance in our sons’ lives. I will never speak ill of you to them or diminish your role. Unfortunately, you are doing that quite well on your own, and with time, you may fade from their memories just as you have from their lives.
Regardless of your awareness or concern, you are their father, and today is a day to honor fathers. Therefore, we will select a card for you, and whether they give it to you in person or we send it in the mail, we will acknowledge you. They may even draw you a picture. Then, we will carry on, as young children do.
Yet, I will still feel the weight of loss—not for myself, but for you and our sons.
Despite your choices and the hurt they have caused, I want to express gratitude. You may not currently embody the role of a father, but you have given me the opportunity to be a mother. Because of you, I am present for all the moments you choose to miss.
So, today, I celebrate you—not for the father you have been lately, but for making me a mother. I hope one day you come to understand the gravity of your impact. I hope one day you wake up and stop missing everything. I hope you eventually become more than just their father; I hope you become their dad.
Until that day comes, thank you. And Happy Father’s Day.
Summary
This heartfelt letter reflects the complex emotions a mother feels on Father’s Day when her partner is absent. It expresses gratitude for the role of fatherhood while acknowledging the pain of absence and the hope for future reconciliation. The mother emphasizes the importance of the father’s presence in their children’s lives, while also recognizing the strength she has found in being their primary caregiver.
Keyphrase
Father’s Day reflection on parenting
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