To all the wonderful parents out there, I extend my best wishes for a fulfilling day. As we approach Father’s Day, I recognize that some families celebrate figures who fulfill both maternal and paternal roles. This practice resonates with those who embody both parental identities, and I wholeheartedly support celebrating love in all its forms.
However, each year I am met with Father’s Day greetings that leave me feeling a bit perplexed. I want to clarify: I am not a father. I do not wish to be recognized as both mother and father, nor do I appreciate the implication that I should be. Being labeled as part-dad feels akin to being called sir. While I may partake in activities typically associated with fathers and wear clothing often marketed towards men, I do not identify as one.
I embrace my identity openly; I am a proud gay woman. I love and am married to a woman, and together we are raising three children. My kids are blessed with two moms; they do not have a father. While I appreciate the comfort others find in acknowledging my parenting on a day meant for fathers, I must reiterate: I do not want to be wished a happy Father’s Day. My day of acknowledgment occurs in May, on Mother’s Day—or as we like to call it, Mothers’ Day.
Our Experience with Father’s Day
When my eldest child, Lily, entered daycare at six months, we chose a facility known for its inclusivity. As the teachers prepared for Father’s Day, my partner and I were curious how they would navigate the occasion. Initially, Lily was too young to grasp the concept. However, as she approached her third birthday, I felt anxious about how she would experience a day dedicated to fathers.
Lily had enjoyed a beautiful Mother’s Day breakfast at school, where we were all celebrated. But I could only imagine her sitting at the Father’s Day table, the sole child without a dad. Would she feel out of place? Would she understand that it’s perfectly fine to celebrate fathers even if she has two moms?
We asked her teachers to shift the focus of her Father’s Day project to her grandfather, who is a significant figure in her life. Lily has always known she has two moms and understands that some friends have both parents while others do not. She even notices when I adapt stories to include same-sex parents, expressing her confusion over traditional family structures in children’s literature.
The Impact of Representation
It is disheartening that, even at a young age, Lily is bombarded with the idea that every family consists of a mother and a father. While she knows her family is embraced by her community, she also recognizes she is different from many of her friends. The lack of representation for same-sex parents in media affects her understanding of family diversity.
Fortunately, Lily handles these situations with confidence. When she crafted a gift for her grandfather, it was done with pride, and she seemed unaffected when we opted out of the school’s Father’s Day lunch. A classmate expressed concern over Lily’s absence, asking who would be there for her, but she remained unfazed. My partner encouraged her to gift a hug to her friend’s father, mirroring the affection received on Mother’s Day. Although many fathers could not attend, the children enjoyed pizza and their gifts.
Redefining Family Dynamics
Ultimately, my partner and I are here for Lily. She does not need a father or for us to be labeled on Father’s Day. Such acknowledgments diminish the contributions of LGBTQ+ parents and perpetuate the notion that a child requires both a mother and a father for proper upbringing. Families come in many forms, and love is what truly defines a nurturing environment.
In summary, while it’s essential to celebrate all parents, it’s equally important to respect the unique dynamics of each family. Acknowledging my role as a gay mom should not come with the misconception that I also fulfill the role of a father.
Resources for Aspiring Parents
If you’re exploring options for starting a family, consider resources like this home insemination kit and fertility supplements that provide valuable insight. For further information, Johns Hopkins Medicine is an excellent resource regarding fertility treatments and home insemination options.
Keyphrase: Acknowledging LGBTQ+ Parenting
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