Updated: July 30, 2023
Originally Published: June 16, 2015
Two summers ago, I embarked on a journey across the East Coast, visiting colleges with my son, who was preparing to enter his senior year. This year, I look forward to a similar experience with my daughter. College tours serve as an important rite of passage, providing insight into what students can expect from college life, their preferences in a school, and the expectations colleges have for applicants. However, I find immense personal benefit from these visits as well:
1. Embracing a Calm Perspective
Having graduated at the top of my class and attended a prestigious university, I understand the pressures that accompany higher education. However, I’ve come to realize that real life is shaped more by individual character and actions rather than the name of one’s alma mater. With a child facing chronic illness and another with disabilities, I appreciate that achievements mean little without health and happiness. While many parents I encounter during tours are visibly anxious and ask loaded questions, I relish my role as the calm presence in the room.
2. Reconnecting with Myself
As a parent of four children, my life has been a whirlwind of activity. With this college tour, I find a rare opportunity to reconnect with myself amidst the chaos. As we explore various facets of art, architecture, and cuisine, I reflect on my own passions and desires. My son, an aspiring artist, led us to art studios where I also contemplated my own creative aspirations. After years of juggling responsibilities, I long for the chance to immerse myself in my interests and seek moments of peace.
3. Experiencing a Touch of Glamour
While not quite a luxury vacation, the variety of hotels and dining experiences during these tours adds a delightful twist to our routine. The explosion of coffee shops and local eateries along the East Coast makes the experience enjoyable. As Henry James once noted, certain moments in life are particularly pleasurable, and I would argue that our hotel breakfasts and leisurely evenings together certainly fit that description. Although long drives can be tedious, the shared music and camaraderie with my teenager transform our journey into a memorable adventure.
4. Cherishing Time with My Children
Teenagers often retreat into their own worlds, making this college tour a precious opportunity for bonding. The shared experiences in the car facilitate open conversations about important topics, allowing us to navigate from serious discussions to lighthearted banter. As we share meals and stories, I gain valuable insights into their lives and evolving interests, creating lasting memories that I treasure deeply.
5. Learning to Let Go
College tours also provide a platform for me to practice stepping back. While I guide the process, it’s essential that my children voice their opinions and make their own choices regarding potential schools. This journey is about their exploration of new ideas and values, and I must allow them the space to form their own conclusions. Those moments when my child suggests skipping a tour in favor of dinner are not only amusing but signify a shift towards independence.
In conclusion, college tours offer parents a unique blend of personal growth, quality time with children, and the opportunity to redefine their relationship with education and ambition. Engaging in these experiences not only enriches our understanding of the college landscape but also strengthens familial bonds.
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