You often find yourself feeling exasperated when your children resist bedtime, craving just an hour of peace to yourself. You juggle work responsibilities, household bills, and the myriad needs of your children, all while co-parenting with someone who appears to treat parenting as an occasional pastime. It stings a little when your kids are on their best behavior only when the other parent is present. You hold your tongue because someone must maintain the adult role. You are the “there” parent.
Being the “there” parent can feel like a constant uphill battle. It’s often more challenging, and at times, more frustrating. Yet that’s perfectly acceptable. The “there” parent may not offer the same excitement as the “not there” parent. Your arrival home isn’t a highly anticipated event; instead, you represent the steady foundation in your children’s lives. A “constant” is something that remains unchanged, and there is a sense of security in that.
Your children won’t feel the need to “perform,” worrying that their behavior might affect your presence in their lives. They can express themselves freely, showing small acts of defiance, indicating they feel secure enough to be themselves around you. You are consistently present.
While being “there” may lack excitement, the mutual understanding that your presence is a part of their daily life is a tremendous gift. They won’t spend their time wondering if you will show up; they can engage with you authentically, without pretense. Maybe your entrance into a room doesn’t elicit wide-eyed excitement, but that’s simply because there’s no element of surprise. The “not there” parent shines brightly, creating amplified moments of fun, while the “there” parent serves as a comforting nightlight, quietly providing support. Although the spotlight can be thrilling, the nightlight is indispensable.
Being the “there” parent is often a thankless role—overlooked, expected to fulfill numerous duties, and often faced alone. However, the rewards of this position are profound, something the “not there” parent may never truly grasp.
To all the dedicated single, present parents out there—if you haven’t heard a word of encouragement in days, weeks, or even months, know that you’re doing an incredible job. You are there.
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In summary, the role of the “there” parent is one of unwavering support and stability, providing children with the security they need to thrive. Your consistent presence might not always be recognized, but it is the foundation upon which they can build their lives.