I’ve Unintentionally Cultivated Resting Bitch Face in My Maturity

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As I navigate the waters of aging, I’ve noticed subtle changes gracing my visage. It’s not that I’m ancient, but the early signs of maturity have begun to reveal themselves. How did I come to this realization? Well, it seems people have started expressing genuine concern over my emotional well-being. Take, for instance, a couple of exchanges I had yesterday:

Morning Encounter

Colleague (interrupting my daydream about my top celebrity crush): Good morning!
Me (sighing in a not-so-subtle way): Morning.
Colleague: Are you alright?
Me: Yes, why? (Can she sense my thoughts? What’s going on? Is my face flushed? Am I hyperventilating?)
Colleague: You look tired.
Me: Oh, well, not really—maybe just a tad. (If “tired” equates to fantasizing about the one celebrity my partner allows me to sleep with, then I’m utterly drained.)
Colleague (still skeptical): Let me know if you need anything.

Break Room Surprise

Later that day…
Me (entering the break room): Hey, everyone!
(As I glance at my lunch, a delightful feast of leftover Chinese food—complete with savory pork bits and beef skewers—I can hardly contain my excitement.)
Colleague: Hey there.
Me: Mmm. (Words fail me; I’m enchanted by this culinary creation.)
Colleague: Are you okay?
Me: Absolutely! I’m just enjoying this incredible meal.
Colleague: Really? You seemed a bit down.
Me: What? No way! I’m on the brink of a foodgasm.

Evening Reflections

Later that evening…
I’m sprawled on the couch, binge-watching a popular series, contemplating the complexities of relationships. No, I prefer men—specifically, I think I need a partner who can handle household chores, cook dinner, and pour me a drink after a long day. Wait, shouldn’t I be focusing on the show?
Partner (interrupting my thoughts): Hey, do we need to discuss something?
Me: What? (Oh no. Is he aware of my admiration for certain traits? This can’t be it. What did I forget?)
Partner (raising an eyebrow): Do you have anything on your mind?
Me: I don’t think so. Why? (Help me out here; I can’t read your thoughts.)
Partner: You appear upset with me. Are you?
Me: No, not at all. (I’m genuinely puzzled as to why you think I’m upset.)
Partner: Your facial expression suggests otherwise.
Me: My face?
Partner: Yes, those lines between your eyes are quite prominent.
Me: Oh, those? I thought I’d dealt with them using my new facial cleansing gadget. I was sure it would erase even the deepest wrinkles. Susan assured me at her skincare party that it was effective. I thought we were having a casual gathering, but it turned out to be a makeup sales pitch. I purchased that device out of guilt—she must have earned a pretty penny from me. Are you telling me it didn’t work?
Partner: Well, you do seem a bit tense, but I still think you look great.
Me (slowly): Tense yet flawless? What do you mean?
Partner: I think I’ll head to bed now.
Me: Sure, go ahead.

This leaves me pondering my situation. How can my daydreaming, food-loving, and TV-watching expressions evoke concern? Then it hit me—I’ve developed a case of Resting Bitch Face (RBF). An involuntary, consistent frown that replaces a neutral expression. Fantastic. Wrinkles forming between my eyes and a hint of near-sightedness make me appear like I’m ready to confront someone head-on.

RBF. Great, I’m on track to resemble a disgruntled elder. But perhaps I can turn this to my advantage. First, I should indulge in daydreams about my #1 crush (it’s Ryan Gosling, by the way). Maybe I’ll even add some fantasies about my #2 (Chris Hemsworth). Clearly, my face won’t betray my imagination.

Second, I could use this expression to instill fear in my child: “Hey, kid, you think you can ignore my request to tidy your room? Let me show you my RBF. What do you think now?”

Lastly, I’m returning that ineffective facial brush. Who needs it when my partner thinks I’m flawless?

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In summary, aging can bring unexpected changes, including the development of Resting Bitch Face, which may inadvertently convey emotions we do not intend to express. Embracing this condition might lead to creative uses, such as daydreaming and parental intimidation, while also highlighting the importance of self-care and addressing our emotional health.

Keyphrase: Resting Bitch Face in Aging
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