Even by the relaxed standards of 1970s parenting, my upbringing was notably permissive. My mother’s approach to child-rearing was decidedly hands-off rather than intrusive. We had no set bedtime; we simply drifted off to sleep wherever we felt tired. Each of us had televisions in our rooms, which is why I learned more about romance from shows like The Love Boat than any child my age should have known.
When it came to the idea of quitting, there were no motivational speeches. My older brother opted out of summer camp, choosing instead to indulge in Dungeons & Dragons and Space Invaders. If I found myself disenchanted with an after-school activity, my mother’s advice was straightforward: “If you don’t enjoy it, just quit.” And that’s precisely what I did.
I stepped away from gymnastics, pottery, and musical theater. I left Hebrew school, ice skating classes, and even my high school track team. I may not have known what truly suited me, but I was certainly uncovering what didn’t. I adhered to my mother’s guidance throughout adulthood, leaving behind 12 jobs that didn’t resonate with me (eventually, I did find the right fit).
However, when my 8-year-old daughter recently expressed her desire to quit ballet after five years, I instinctively said, “You’re not a quitter.” That reaction didn’t stem from my mother’s teachings.
“Why can’t I quit?” she asked, prompting me to reflect. What troubled me was the financial commitment we had made and the time she devoted to an activity that seemed misaligned with her interests. Yet, perhaps it was misaligned because it was my aspiration for her to excel rather than her own.
In modern parenting, there’s a pervasive belief that our children must emerge as winners, and that quitters never succeed. But do they truly need to be winners? I’m uncertain. Vince Lombardi, heralded as one of the greatest NFL coaches, famously stated, “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” Yet, he was also known for his harsh treatment of his family. Is there a connection between the two? Quite possibly.
My children may not always be top achievers, but they will grow up with their self-esteem intact. A close friend recently pointed out, “Why do we place so much pressure on our kids? Look at us.” And she is right. I consider myself a decent middle-class parent, but I am neither a Nobel Prize winner nor an Olympian.
Take Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and Michael Phelps—none of them gave up. However, Michael Phelps’ mother enrolled him in swimming classes at age 7 to help channel his excess energy, which eventually led to his remarkable success. Had she chosen art or violin lessons, he might have lost interest and wanted to quit.
I came to understand that if my daughter didn’t step away from ballet now, she would squander even more time that could be spent exploring her true passions. Perhaps my mother was onto something: pursue what brings you joy. Ultimately, one of the best pieces of advice she imparted was, “If you don’t love it, quit.”
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Summary:
The article explores the author’s reflections on parenting, particularly how her mother’s lenient approach shaped her views on quitting versus persistence. It raises questions about the pressures placed on children to succeed and the importance of pursuing happiness over societal expectations. Ultimately, it advocates for allowing children to explore their interests freely.
Keyphrase: Parenting and quitting
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