The human inclination to fit in or meet societal standards affects everyone. While some of this desire is constructive—preventing us from undesirable behaviors like theft or public outbursts—an excessive focus on trends can suppress individuality. If you aim to raise kind, smart, and creative boys (and girls), be ready to embrace a path less traveled.
As a parent of boys, I am acutely aware of the challenging landscape they navigate in today’s world. During my sons’ formative years, I encountered criticism for prioritizing activities like music lessons and reading over video games and mainstream entertainment. I dismissed these negative comments because my aim was never popularity. Interestingly, my children have become well-respected and liked among their peers.
Here’s a pivotal insight: I believe in the incredible potential of my children, and I have faith in yours as well. Recognizing my children as individuals with boundless possibilities has often guided me past misguided advice and fleeting trends. My goal is integrity, not social media validation. I have no desire for my sons to achieve titles or fame; instead, I aspire for them to be moral and compassionate individuals who illuminate the lives of those around them.
Admittedly, we have made numerous errors in our parenting journey, yet we firmly believe that unkindness is unacceptable. From an early age, my sons understood the importance of respect and were taught to avoid making jokes at others’ expense, whether about their appearance, ethnicity, or education. Our laughter is focused on life’s absurdities rather than belittling others.
Parents can effectively model kindness by demonstrating courtesy to service workers. For instance, a simple drive through a fast-food restaurant can be an excellent opportunity to discuss the hard work and challenges faced by employees. By expressing appreciation for their efforts, we instill empathy and compassion in our children.
The phrase “boys will be boys” often serves as a justification for inappropriate behavior. While it’s true that boys can be messy, imaginative, and occasionally chaotic, we must not condone aggression, objectification of women, or crude conduct.
Take the case of my friend Lisa, who has twin boys who just turned four. She expressed concern over their recent tendency to hit each other. I advised her: “Address this behavior every single day for the next 15 years.” This statement, while slightly tongue-in-cheek, reflects an essential truth. Even recently, my 21-year-old son learned to engage in wrestling matches without causing injuries or tears. Boys have a natural inclination toward physicality, but it is our responsibility to help them manage their impulses effectively.
I do not subscribe to the “let them sort it out themselves” approach. Both my husband and I grew up with brothers who fought, leading to long-lasting resentment. Teaching boys to control their impulses will serve them well in their future roles as husbands and fathers.
Fostering qualities of empathy and kindness begins during childhood. I feel immense pride when my sons achieve athletic or academic success, but my greatest joy comes when they demonstrate compassion—whether by soothing a fussy baby or engaging in imaginative play with their younger sister. As the saying goes, “A man is at his tallest when he kneels to assist a child.”
In our home, we maintain a standard of decorum; we expect polite behavior, such as saying “excuse me” when someone burps. While some may consider this outdated, good manners never go out of style. I believe that traditional values—such as holding doors open, shoveling sidewalks, and yielding your seat on public transport—are essential.
Our children must be introduced to the concept of grief and hardship, as understanding these realities fosters compassion and perspective. Discussing global challenges can sometimes feel easier than addressing personal struggles, like a job loss in the family. As Plato wisely advised, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Lastly, nurturing a sense of playfulness contributes to a child’s kindness. My son often remarks, “Life would be so dull if my parents weren’t so silly.” I wholeheartedly embrace moments of fun, whether it’s making homemade valentines, splashing through puddles, or engaging in playful activities like throwing pumpkins off the roof.
Encouraging laughter and joy in our household not only enhances our happiness but also cultivates kindness, as happiness and kindness are intricately linked. As I frequently remind my family, we are inherently designed for happiness.
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In summary, raising kind, smart, and creative boys requires a commitment to instilling values of empathy, respect, and playfulness. By modeling these behaviors and fostering an environment of support, parents can help their children develop into compassionate individuals.
Keyphrase: Raising Kind Intelligent Boys
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