Two experiences fill me with dread:
- The idea of being trapped underground.
- My children requesting a sleepover party.
I have summoned the courage to host a sleepover on two occasions, and honestly, that was two too many. The emotional journey of a sleepover can be likened to a tumultuous roller coaster, which typically unfolds as follows:
Denial
Before the chaos begins, you find yourself mentally preparing with optimistic affirmations:
- How bad can it really be?
- I have a plethora of engaging activities lined up.
- My child’s friends are delightful and make wise choices.
- I make wise choices.
You give yourself a pat on the back for being an exceptional parent and imagine a serene evening spent engaging in Sudoku or refinishing furniture while the children entertain themselves. #blessed
Complete Chaos
However, the instant the guests arrive, Denial swiftly dissipates, giving way to Complete Chaos. A room filled with ten excited children transforms into a whirlwind of energy. It’s as if a herd of caffeinated goats has taken over. Kids are everywhere and nowhere simultaneously: inside the house, outside, upstairs, downstairs, playing games, on their phones, off their phones, all while exclaiming, “My flashlight’s broken!” “I think I was stung by a bee!” “I’m starving!” and “My sibling has lice.” (Excuse me, what?!)
Then come the barrage of questions:
- Where’s my phone?
- Do you have a charger? (Not that type of charger)
- What breed of dog is that?
- Where’s Jake?
- Where are my shorts?
- What’s that odor?
- Is it cake time yet?
Amidst all this, you ponder one crucial question: Where has my partner vanished to?
After what feels like six hours (though it’s only three), you attempt to corral the group into one room for a semblance of calm: popcorn and a movie. You convince yourself this will lead them towards a drowsy state, allowing everyone to sleep by midnight. Perfect …
Silly you! The movie lasts about nine minutes before they collectively declare they’ve seen it 15 times (and by the way, “that movie is terrible”), opting instead for wrestling, projectile candy, and high-octane Xbox games, because why not?
After two additional hours of Complete Chaos, you embark on the long, painful journey known as “Please, Go to Sleep,” culminating in …
Anger
The anger phase generally spans midnight to 2 a.m., during which your cheerful demeanor morphs into that of a frenzied parent. After numerous trips in and out of the room, resentment sets in.
You find yourself angry with:
- Yourself. (Really? Ten boys? Great decision.)
- The creators of the mediocre movie for failing to entertain.
- The Xbox inventor (who you now refer to as “that jerk” in your mind).
- Your partner, who magically reappeared just in time for cake but then disappeared after sharing some amusing jokes with the kids.
You are also displeased with:
- Bathroom Buddy: This child has a bladder similar to that of an elderly individual, disrupting everyone as he climbs over heads multiple times due to his urgent need.
- Candy Enthusiast: This child, having overindulged in sweets hours ago, has been on the verge of vomiting for the last 30 minutes.
- Loud Whisperer: Just as everyone begins to drift off, this child decides to recount a particularly amusing YouTube video in great detail, complete with eerie basement stories in an “I see dead people” voice.
- Phone Stealth: Despite your efforts to collect all phones, this sneaky child appears to have hidden his device, as it continues to ping with messages every ten minutes. Naturally, no one will reveal his secret—he’s the unofficial hero of the sleepover. PING!
Panic
By 2 a.m., the initial anger gives way to sheer panic as you contemplate the horrifying possibility of never achieving sleep. You reassure yourself with thoughts like:
- What if they never fall asleep?
- What if they remain awake indefinitely?
- What if they NEVER go to SLEEP?
Bargaining
This is your final, desperate attempt to restore order. At this juncture, your dignity is cast aside as you plead for tranquility: “For the love of all that is holy, please, please go to sleep!” You even entertain the notion of an “ugly cry” to evoke some guilt, but fear it may haunt them in their dreams. Would anyone like some warm milk? Perhaps a Benadryl brownie? Anyone? Please?
Depression
At around 3 a.m., you realize that this ordeal is akin to childbirth. You are utterly drained, feeling as if you’ve been hit by a truck, and questioning your physical state. To add to your woes, you have hungry children to feed in just four hours. Hopefully, like childbirth, the trauma will fade from memory in a few weeks.
Acceptance
Somehow, you emerge the next morning just in time to greet cheerful, well-rested parents as they arrive to collect their children. They recount their enjoyable evenings and reminisce about sleeping until 9 a.m. You, on the other hand, extol the virtues of their children while standing there looking disheveled, mascara streaming down your face, and discovering popcorn and candy remnants in your hair (at least you hope that’s what it is).
Then your tousled, sleepy child appears, enveloping you in a big hug and exclaiming, “Thanks, Mom! That was so much fun!”
Same time next year? Of course.
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Summary:
Hosting a sleepover can be a daunting experience that oscillates between stages of denial, chaos, anger, panic, bargaining, depression, and ultimately acceptance. While the journey may be tumultuous, the joy expressed by your children can make it all worthwhile.
Keyphrase: Sleepover party stages
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