At 83 years old, my mother, who used to take lessons many years ago, chuckles, “She should follow my advice—find the most charming teacher she can!” I respond, “But she’s only 13! That’s not the best guidance. What kind of grandmother are you?” We share a laugh as she recounts her own journey of taking lessons to quit smoking while managing the demands of raising six children as a full-time mom. Alzheimer’s has altered her perception of time, and although she sometimes forgets our current discussions, she vividly recalls moments from her past.
My mother has always embraced humor, and since I transitioned into a stay-at-home dad who writes about parenting, our relationship has deepened. Our phone calls often feel like a delightful mix of comedic sketches, bridging generational and gender gaps. Out of curiosity, I recently picked up a book my mother has long cherished: Erma Bombeck’s If Life is a Bowl of Cherries—What Am I Doing in the Pits? From the very first line, I understood why my mom resonates with Bombeck, who confesses, “I’ve always worried a lot and frankly I’m good at it.” After humorously lamenting about the potential discovery that lettuce could be fattening, Bombeck reveals a deeper truth: “But mostly, I worry about surviving…. That’s what this book is all about.”
Indeed, humor has been my mother’s lifeline, helping her navigate the complexities of life—raising six children, enduring divorce after 28 years of marriage, losing her ability to read due to macular degeneration, and now facing the challenges of Alzheimer’s. By the time I finished the introduction, I felt a lump in my throat.
The book unfolds through various vignettes, some of which may feel outdated since their release in 1971, yet many remain relevant. Bombeck provides a humorous survival guide on everyday tasks, including “Replacing [a] Toilet Tissue Spindle,” “Closing a Door,” “Turning Off a Light,” and “Operating a Clothes Hamper.” Timeless quips such as “There, but for the grace of a babysitter go I,” and “Some argue that giving children responsibility helps them grow; others believe it just raises your insurance rates” still hold true today.
However, as the narrative progresses, Bombeck’s tone shifts in a poignant section about her own mother, titled “When Did I Become the Mother and the Mother Become the Child?” She describes the gradual transition of responsibility as children grow strong and independent, while the mother becomes increasingly childlike. The child “isn’t ready yet to carry the burden. But the course is set.”
At times, it felt like my mother was communicating with me through the pages, blending humor with profound emotion—the cherries alongside the pits. Alzheimer’s has begun to erase certain aspects of her reality; during our conversations, she sometimes pauses and says, “I have no words.” She articulates a “numbness” that envelops her, acknowledging, “I can see what the disease is doing to me.” Meanwhile, I often find myself at a loss for words as well.
Alzheimer’s has also blurred the lines of time, leading my siblings and me to grapple with forgotten family birthdays. While we can remind her of her grandchildren’s special days, the question arises: Should we inform her of our own birthdays when she forgets, or spare her the guilt of forgetting? I have chosen the latter option, yet neither feels truly right.
On a brighter note, the disease has also gifted my mother a sense of timelessness. In her clearer moments, she shares that her short-term memory loss allows her to worry less and enjoy life more, referring to it as the “gift” of being “suspended in time” without the weight of memory. These moments of liberation—from the constraints of time, anxiety, and memory—are the cherries that remain in her life.
Bombeck’s classic illustrates that even in the later stages of life, the cherries are still present; we just need to look a little harder to find them. One meaningful way to rediscover these moments is by reading and sharing a loved one’s favorite book. As I reread the lighter passages of Bombeck to my mother over the phone, sometimes she recalls the joy she felt upon first reading them; other times, her evolving mind processes them anew. In every instance, we share a touching, humorous experience that brings us closer together.
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In summary, navigating the complexities of Alzheimer’s can be challenging, yet humor and shared experiences can help maintain connections. Through the lens of Erma Bombeck’s wisdom, we can find moments of joy even in difficult times, reminding us that life’s cherries are often hidden beneath the surface.
Keyphrase: Lessons from Erma Bombeck on Alzheimer’s
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