“May 18th,” my daughter replied, mistakenly. Perhaps we should have skipped this event.
The evening prior, my almost 9-year-old had expressed anxiety about attending the Birthday Book Club, as she dislikes the “hurry” of the morning routine. I reassured her that our schedule wouldn’t change; we would simply drive to school instead of taking the bus. However, her unease lingered. Twelve hours ahead of the event, she was already apprehensive about the shift in our routine. I could relate.
I’m uncertain if anxiety has been a part of my life since childhood or if it developed later on. For a long time, I was unaware that the feelings I experienced—anger, hesitation, frustration, and fear—stemmed from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I did not realize that my physical symptoms, such as stomachaches and headaches, as well as my tendency toward social withdrawal, were linked to my anxiety. My heightened sensitivity to sounds, emotions, and overwhelming situations made me feel different, and I struggled with a low self-image.
I can’t definitively say whether my daughter has GAD or if she is simply a Highly Sensitive Person. What I do know is that I feel responsible for her struggles. Yet, amidst my guilt, I am grateful for the awareness I have of her experiences. While I wish I could alleviate her discomfort, I am thankful that I can equip her with coping strategies, so she won’t be unnecessarily burdened by her emotions, whether they are signs of anxiety or just the challenges that come with being sensitive.
After we corrected the volunteer about her birthday and placed her name sticker inside the book, my daughter chose a spot to sit and listen to the librarian read. She settled just a couple of steps from where she had been standing, too overwhelmed to find a better view. When I suggested we leave and go to her classroom, she agreed.
As we navigated through the sea of backpacks near the library entrance, the bell rang. My daughter froze; it was the tardy bell. I reminded her that the librarian had assured us no one would be marked tardy for the Birthday Book Club, but her conviction remained shaky.
I took her hands, locked eyes with her, and encouraged her to breathe. We inhaled deeply together, and after a moment, she wrapped her arms around me tightly. We said our goodbyes, and she hurried down the long hallway. I stood, watching her until she turned the corner, wishing I could absorb her negative feelings and shoulder the burden myself.
As a Highly Sensitive Person with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, being a mother poses its challenges. I often feel my daughters’ emotions before they do. My hope is to be strong enough to support them when they need it, yet perceptive enough to recognize when they require help before they even ask.
While I find motherhood to be challenging, I suspect that my daughter will face even greater difficulties as she navigates her own emotions. However, I have learned that we often do not choose the burdens we carry; we only decide how to manage them.
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In summary, as a parent, the complexities of anxiety can be daunting, both for myself and for my daughter. While I strive to provide her with tools to cope, I must also acknowledge the unique challenges that come with being sensitive.
Keyphrase: Inheriting Anxiety
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