Scrolling through social media can be disheartening, especially when I see comments attributing tragic events to mental health issues, overly demanding parents, or academic pressure. The truth is, we don’t have all the answers. No families from the recent cluster of suicides have come forward with clear reasons, and we may never know what led these young individuals to such despair. However, we do understand that certain factors are undeniably impacting our children today. A local teen, Sarah Martinez, put it succinctly: “Parents, just relax.”
To all parents reading this, take a moment to accept the reality: your child is unlikely to gain admission to institutions like Stanford, Harvard, Yale, or MIT—no matter their efforts. And I’m serious. The acceptance rates are staggeringly low—below 5 percent for Stanford alone.
To help ease the anxiety that comes with college admissions, I’ve compiled a set of frequently asked questions from real parents. These queries reflect common concerns and misconceptions about the path to college. Although I didn’t address these questions at the time, I am sharing my insights now based on my experience in admissions and as a community leader and parent. Expect a bit of sarcasm along the way, because as Sarah suggests, we all need to lighten up. I’ll also wrap up with some questions that I wish people would ask.
Common Questions from Parents
Freshman Parent: “My child is in honors math and has three hours of homework each night. If I pull her out, will I ruin her chances of attending Stanford?”
If your ninth grader has three hours of homework for one subject, that’s a significant problem. This isn’t just about college admissions; it’s about managing time effectively. With multiple subjects, there simply aren’t enough hours to complete that much homework. Reach out to the teacher, contact the school, and don’t be afraid to advocate for your child.
Sophomore Parent: “My son has a ‘B’ in English. How can I improve his chances for the Ivies? Should I send him on an exotic summer trip to offset this grade?”
Here’s a reality check: you can’t save the situation. It’s not your job—it’s your child’s. If they’re struggling, it’s up to them to find a solution. As for extravagant trips to boost a resume, I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Junior Parent: “How crucial are grades? Can kids with ‘B’s still get into Ivy League schools?”
Grades matter, but they aren’t everything. Yes, students with ‘B’s can get in, but have you looked at the admission statistics lately? They’re grim.
Senior Parent: “My child is applying to 19 colleges.”
That’s not a question, but I might just need to scream into a pillow.
Junior Parent: “I had to permit my son to take more AP classes than recommended to stay competitive.”
That’s not a question; it’s an excuse. There are limits for a reason. Let’s be honest: “I need him to stay competitive” often translates to “I want my child to outshine others.”
Freshman Parent: “How many AP classes do I need for my child to get into Yale? I’ve heard of kids taking 22!”
The target number should be zero, because your child probably isn’t getting into Yale. Seriously, let’s face it.
Do I put pressure on my child?
Well, wearing that Harvard sweatshirt a bit too often might not help. Be mindful of the expectations you set.
Questions I Wish Parents Would Ask
- How much sleep does my teen need?
Teens should aim for at least nine hours of sleep for optimal health. - How much homework should they have?
If school ends at 3 p.m. and they need to rise by 7 a.m., that doesn’t leave much time for homework if it exceeds the hours available after other obligations. - If my kid has too much homework, what should I do?
Advocate for your child. Contact teachers and address the homework load. If necessary, prioritize their well-being over assignments, and affirm your support. - What if my child refuses to sleep early?
Set boundaries by limiting screen time and uphold the bedtime you establish. - Should I let my child take additional AP classes?
No, don’t sign those forms. The stress from too many APs often outweighs any potential benefit. - Where should my child apply for college?
Encourage a thoughtful discussion about colleges beyond the Ivies. There are numerous excellent institutions that may align better with your child’s interests. - How important are grades and scores?
While they do matter, they are not the sole determinants of admission. Many factors contribute to a school’s decision-making process. - What if my child has perfect grades?
Perfection isn’t as uncommon anymore, especially in competitive environments. Strong academics help, but they don’t guarantee admission. - I attended an Ivy League school; will that help my child?
Admissions landscapes change, and legacy status doesn’t guarantee the same outcomes today. - What do I do if my child faces tough competition for college?
It’s essential to help them develop a realistic list of schools, ensuring they find places where they can thrive. - How do I ease the pressure on my child?
Avoid setting unrealistic expectations from the start. - What can my child do to enhance their chances of admission?
They should engage meaningfully with their education, participate in activities they enjoy, and develop skills outside of academics.
In conclusion, the college admissions process can feel overwhelming, but focusing on your child’s happiness and well-being is crucial. Encourage them to pursue their interests and maintain a healthy balance in their lives.
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