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Parenting
Navigating My Child’s Experience with Defeat
by Anna Collins
Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: April 27, 2015
The intricate and often perplexing nature of memory fascinates me. It’s typically the smallest, seemingly trivial moments that linger longest in my mind. However, occasionally, certain experiences assert their significance while I’m still immersed in them.
A prime example of this was my son Ethan’s championship hockey finals. His team remarkably made it to the finals in their league, an outcome I had not anticipated when the season began in September. The playoffs took place during the mid-March, coinciding with many families’ spring break. Ethan was unable to participate in the semifinal games as we were vacationing in the Galapagos. Nevertheless, he returned just in time for the championship match, though he was essentially fresh off a 24-hour journey home.
Our team typically consists of 12 players, but on the day of the finals, we had only eight—one of whom was the goalie, leaving us with seven active players. This meant we had just two substitutes, while the opposing team boasted nearly three times our number of substitutes. They were the favorites, having previously defeated us. Watching our boys—who appeared simultaneously so small yet so mighty on the ice—I felt a wave of unease wash over me. I feared it might be a challenging game.
How wrong I was. Those boys—yes, I refer to them as boys since our lone female player was absent—exhibited a level of grit and determination beyond anything I had ever witnessed. They were thoroughly exhausted, and the lack of substitutes was taking its toll. Yet, the opposing team never took the lead, and with just five minutes remaining, we held a 5-3 advantage. As the third period concluded, we found ourselves tied at 5-5, resulting in a sudden death overtime. With an unwavering resolve, the boys managed to maintain the tie. No one scored, and a wild hope surged within me—we could actually win this!
Next came the shoot-out. I had never experienced one before, but essentially, each team takes turns skating from center ice and attempting to score on the opposing goalie. The first round featured five players from each team. By the time it was Ethan’s turn, we were down by one goal. Both Ethan and I understood the weight of the moment; he needed to score for our team to have any chance. I could hardly fathom the pressure resting on his young shoulders, and my eyes brimmed with tears as I watched him.
Unfortunately, he did not score. After 36 minutes of regular play, five minutes of overtime, and four rounds of shoot-outs, the opposing team flooded the ice, celebrating their victory. From my vantage point in the stands, I could see tears streaming down Ethan’s face through his mask. By the time he came off the ice, it was evident that most of his teammates were similarly disheartened.
Ethan was upset and angry during the car ride home, and we allowed him to express his feelings. However, by bedtime, his demeanor had shifted to sorrowful. “I let my team down, Mom,” he whispered. I settled beside him and reassured him of my pride in both him and his teammates. I emphasized how rarely I had seen him summon such determination and courage in the face of adversity. I explained that sometimes outcomes are not in our favor, and while it felt personal to him, the situation was far more complex. I expressed my admiration for how well his team performed against a favored opponent, despite being outnumbered. They were the underdogs, and even though they did not win, they left a lasting impression on everyone in the rink.
When my partner came to tuck Ethan in, he mentioned that reaching the finals and experiencing the disappointment was far better than not making it at all. Ethan pondered this for a moment before reluctantly agreeing. I, too, reflected on the situation: not having made it to the championship would have hurt less, but what an accomplishment that game represented. Just before bed, we received an email from Ethan’s coach, sharing a photo of him lying on the ice after a tough check, doing everything he could to prevent the puck from heading toward our goal. “What more could a coach ask for?” he wrote, and reading that brought tears to my eyes. All eight of those boys gave it their all.
After my partner left, I lingered with Ethan for a few more moments. “It was an amazing season, Ethan, and a truly remarkable game today,” I told him softly in the dim light. He sighed and nodded against the robot-print pillow beside me. He rolled onto his side, clutching his cherished stuffed animal, “Buddy,” closer. “I’m really proud of you. I think this day will stay with you for a long time,” I added.
And it surely will for both of us.
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Summary:
This article shares a heartfelt account of a mother reflecting on her son’s emotional journey through a championship hockey game that ended in defeat. Through this experience, the mother conveys the importance of resilience, teamwork, and the lessons learned from both victory and loss, while emphasizing pride in their efforts and character.
Keyphrase: navigating defeat in youth sports
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