In recent times, I have reflected on my son’s homework habits, particularly as he navigates the challenges of 9th grade. He embodies the typical student we often encounter: intelligent, analytical, and sometimes driven, yet occasionally indifferent. While his grades are generally satisfactory—boasting a few A’s—his organizational skills leave much to be desired. However, these habits are quite common among adolescents.
An article I came across in The Atlantic resonates with my concerns. The author advocates for a more hands-on approach from parents regarding their high schoolers’ homework, suggesting this could instill essential organizational skills. This recommendation contrasts sharply with the advice from educators, who often encourage parents to take a step back at this stage. The premise is that schools may not be equipping students with the necessary executive skills, and parents should step in to fill that gap to ensure their teens succeed in high school, college, and beyond.
This idea struck a chord with me. I share the apprehension that many boys, in particular, may not acquire these vital skills, as teachers often recognize the disorganized students but may not provide direct assistance. One of my son’s teachers once remarked to me, “Extremely intelligent but lacks student skills.” So, what’s the solution? I haven’t inquired about the teacher’s support for my son, leaving me uncertain.
I concur with the article’s author that numerous students lack the skills for success, and this is a developmental journey. Like her, I ask my son about his homework and occasionally check to ensure that distractions like social media aren’t monopolizing his time. He likely perceives this as nagging.
However, where I diverge from the author is in my belief that important lessons often come from sources outside of parental guidance. I agree with educators that parents should give their children more space, and I’m striving to do just that. Of course, I want to remain informed and involved, especially if there are signs that indicate more serious issues, such as declining grades linked to mental health concerns. Yet, generally speaking, I believe it’s crucial for my son to take ownership of his homework responsibilities. If that means experiencing a lower grade, so be it; it’s a learning opportunity while the stakes are still manageable.
To clarify, our household holds high expectations regarding education, so academic performance matters. My son is well aware of the importance of grades. My husband and I both have advanced degrees, and our daughter, a senior, has been preoccupied with college discussions for years. She exhibits impressive organizational skills and has clear academic goals.
Nonetheless, I don’t impose the same structure on my son as I do on his sister. I don’t enforce consequences for incomplete homework, and thankfully, his grades are not falling to failing levels, so I can’t comment on that scenario. I no longer engage in discussions about his online grade portal and have ceased my reminders about missing assignments. While my husband and I still offer to help him study, we respect his decision if he declines. When he expressed interest in a planner this semester—suggesting it could assist him in tracking assignments—I promptly bought one but haven’t verified if he’s utilizing it.
My perspective is evolving: we should not panic over average grades stemming from poor executive skills, which is a distinct issue. Recent research indicates that the adolescent brain continues to develop into the late twenties or early thirties. Teenagers, especially boys in 9th grade, often exhibit scattered thinking, which is when parental anxiety tends to peak due to grade implications. Nonetheless, while these teens may be unfocused, it is vital that we allow them to take responsibility for their academic choices. If they seek our help, great; if not, that’s acceptable too. They are at an age where personal accountability becomes essential.
This approach requires a broader perspective. I do not subscribe to the belief that poor grades in high school will lead to irrevocable consequences, despite differing opinions. Certainly, low grades may impact college admissions, particularly to elite or private institutions, but I am okay with that.
Will I stop worrying about whether my son is completing his homework? Probably not. I’ll likely drop hints about effective study techniques for him to consider. Ultimately, I want him to understand that his homework is a stepping stone to his future—not simply a means to gain privileges like gaming. I won’t enforce the use of a planner unless he explicitly asks for it.
In conclusion, while parental involvement is important, allowing children to take charge of their homework can foster independence and resilience.
Keyphrase: Stopped Overseeing My Son’s Homework
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