Pregnancy can be a journey filled with both excitement and monotony, especially during the first trimester. Once the initial thrill of discovering you’re expecting wears off, you may find yourself with little to do while waiting for those ultrasounds and visible baby kicks. What’s the best way to pass the time? Downloading a pregnancy tracker app, of course—because who doesn’t want to compare their developing baby to various fruits and vegetables? While these apps can be useful in keeping you informed, they often lack a certain honesty. If they were truly candid, here’s what they might convey:
Week 4:
Congratulations! If you’re already aware of your pregnancy, get ready for a long haul. Ten months can feel like an eternity, especially when it’s you growing that tiny human. Cheers! But maybe opt for a seltzer instead.
Week 6:
That famed pregnancy glow? It’s as elusive as a solar eclipse. You might instead find yourself battling oily skin reminiscent of your teenage years. But hey, your newly enlarged bust could help divert attention from any skin issues. Celebrate those small wins!
Week 9:
The $50 you spent on Preggie Pops and anti-nausea remedies? Let’s be honest; you could have just splurged on carbs that do the trick much better. Embrace those late-night sweatpants and binge-watch your favorite shows—who needs to look cute when you’re feeling queasy?
Week 13:
If you’re trying to keep your pregnancy a secret from your boss, it might be wise to close your office door while dealing with nausea. That inquisitive coworker, Lisa, is already suspicious.
Week 16:
Feel free to let that belly hang out now that everyone knows you’re pregnant. And go ahead, indulge in that extra taco—you’ll thank yourself when you can finally wear maternity clothing instead of repurposed home decor.
Week 19:
That cheeseburger with Nutella and olives? It’s definitely…unique. Be sure to add Tums to your shopping list. And if you’re one of those rare women craving veggies, maybe just keep that to yourself, okay?
Week 21:
Congratulations on reaching the halfway mark! Just a reminder: pregnancy lasts ten months, not nine. Noted? Great. And let’s take a moment to appreciate the charming Hugh Grant while we’re at it.
Week 24:
This week’s lesson: fake wine doesn’t quite cut it. You’ve got this!
Week 29:
Remember when every little kick felt magical? Yeah, that feeling may fade quickly.
Week 33:
Your baby weighs about 4 pounds; you, on the other hand, have gained a bit more. The math can be a bit fuzzy.
Week 37:
After rushing to prepare the nursery and pack your hospital bag, the reality hits—you could still be pregnant for another month. No advice here, just commiseration.
Week 39:
It may feel like your baby is preparing for a martial arts career, but don’t worry; it’s not as simple as falling out.
Week 41:
Feel free to reach out to friends who guessed you’d deliver early and let them know how wrong they were. It might only provide a brief thrill, but it’s better than nothing. And when the high fades, ice cream will always be there for you.
Now that you’ve welcomed your little one into the world, you might be tempted to delete that pregnancy tracker app. But wait! You’ll need a baby tracker app instead—because how else will you compare your new joy to every other child? You can thank us later when you’re not Googling “How much baby poop is normal?” in the middle of the night.
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In summary, while pregnancy trackers can offer daily reminders of your journey, a touch of honesty might make the experience a bit more relatable. Embrace the highs and lows of your pregnancy, and remember to enjoy the small victories along the way.
Keyphrase: Honest Pregnancy Tracker
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