Dear Vagina,
In light of the peculiar trends I see circulating these days, I feel it’s important to establish some boundaries regarding what I will never do to you. Here are eight things that I vow to keep away from our intimate space:
- Vaginal Knitting: Even if I find myself lonely in my later years, with only my cats for company, I will never resort to using you as a crafting tool. The idea of inserting a skein of yarn and attempting to knit a cozy scarf or baby blanket is simply out of the question. No matter how much I love those little felines, I will not be creating kitty cardigans from you!
- Vaginal Yogurt: Though financial constraints might tempt me to look for alternative sources of sustenance, I will never use you as an ingredient. I’ve heard tales of a college student who made yogurt from her own flora, but the thought alone is enough to make me shudder. I’m not a fan of yogurt in any form, and I certainly don’t want to explore that “new culture.”
- Vaginal Waxing: The idea of a technician applying hot wax and ripping away hair is far too daunting. The thought of leaving you resembling a prepubescent child is unsettling, and I certainly don’t want to risk any mishaps that could leave you in a compromising state. Your natural beauty should always be celebrated!
- Vaginal Piercing: I can’t fathom why anyone would think this is a good idea. The pain associated with piercing the clitoral hood is intimidating enough, and the idea of enhanced sexual experiences does not outweigh the potential for discomfort. I’m not looking to create awkward situations in public places, thank you very much.
- Vaginal Bleaching: The notion that you need to be “whitened” is absurd. You have always been radiant in your own right, and I have no reason to believe that your appearance has changed. I don’t wake up wondering if you are glowing enough, and I certainly don’t need anyone telling me otherwise.
- Vaginal Steaming: The concept of steaming your delicate tissues is not only bizarre but also unnecessary. I refuse to hover over a pot of boiling concoction, especially when I don’t see any wrinkles that need addressing. Additionally, the trend seems to be influenced by celebrities, and I prefer to make my own choices.
- Vaginal Collagen: The idea of injecting collagen into the G-spot is perplexing, to say the least. For $1500, I’d much rather invest in a fabulous vacation or a quality personal device that can deliver pleasure without the risks involved in such procedures. It’s baffling how some women feel this is a valid option.
- Vaginal Decorating: The trend of “vajazzling” is one I will happily skip. I have no desire to bedazzle or glue anything to you. Some women may feel the need to add flair, but I believe you are perfectly fine as you are—no embellishments necessary!
In summary, I appreciate you just the way you are. Let’s embrace the natural look, free from the pressures of current trends. After all, the beautiful, authentic self is always in style!
If you’re interested in exploring alternative family planning methods, consider looking into some of the resources available for home insemination, such as those found at Make a Mom and NIH, which provides excellent information on pregnancy.
Keyphrase: vaginal health
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]