Recently, a friend of mine expressed her discomfort regarding unsolicited comments from men on the street about her four-year-old daughter’s appearance. Initially, I thought such remarks were innocuous compliments directed at little girls. However, after she mimicked the men’s tones—squinting, crooning, and sucking their teeth—I realized she had a valid point. Any woman can discern between a genuine compliment and a catcall; in this case, it was clearly the latter, directed at a child.
To explore this issue further, I conducted a casual survey among other parents in our Brooklyn neighborhood. I posed a question on our local listserv regarding the nature of comments they received about their children’s looks while out in public. I received 11 responses, all from mothers, about approximately 15 children aged between 18 months and six years. Out of these, nine were boys and six were girls.
Among the six girls, three experienced negative comments that could be classified as creepy, sexual, or outright cruel. One mother recounted that a local man consistently told her young daughters, aged 18 months and four years, that they looked like Mae West. Another mother, whose five-year-old daughter is “a bit overweight,” reported receiving remarks in front of her child about her weight and unsolicited advice on how to manage it, despite the fact that they were already outside.
Conversely, while boys also received comments, the tone was predominantly positive, often described as “handsome” or “cute.” The most negative feedback came from a red-headed boy, who opted to wear a hat due to the remarks about his hair.
In summary, my limited findings suggest that 50% of girls aged 18 months to six years have encountered some form of body-shaming or inappropriate commentary in public. This concerning statistic is echoed by the organization Stop Street Harassment, which indicates that a significant portion of women experience harassment, with 10% beginning around age 12. Many women recall experiencing it even earlier, sometimes as young as eight or nine years old.
It’s troubling to consider that as children are granted more independence around this age, they become targets for predatory behaviors. This raises questions about the balance between encouraging free-range parenting and protecting children from harmful encounters.
I spoke with Dr. Clara Johnson, a Ph.D. candidate in Sociology at the local university, who is researching catcalling and related micro-aggressions. She noted that unwanted attention begins at a young age, particularly affecting girls in school uniforms, who often face harassment from men in vehicles waiting outside schools. Alarmingly, when these girls report such incidents, they are frequently asked what they did to provoke the attention, reinforcing a troubling narrative.
Dr. Johnson emphasized that the experiences of children can vary significantly based on gender, body size, and presentation. Importantly, those who conform to traditional male gender norms are often exempt from receiving such comments.
As a mother, I sometimes find myself thinking that comments may be intended as compliments, especially when they are directed at a child perceived as conventionally attractive. However, it’s crucial to recognize that harassment can occur regardless of a child’s appearance. Disturbingly, even women dressed in layers can find themselves subjected to catcalls, indicating that this behavior isn’t rooted in genuine admiration but rather in an attempt to exert control over women in public spaces.
So, what can mothers do in these situations? Dr. Johnson suggests that if it feels safe, one might say, “Please refrain from commenting on my child’s appearance.” This approach not only supports the child but also educates the commenter about respectful interaction. Moreover, it’s vital to discuss these experiences privately with children, reassuring them that such behavior is unacceptable and common, and that they are not alone.
Navigating these conversations can be uncomfortable, but taking a stand against inappropriate comments on behalf of our children is essential. The next time I witness someone making an inappropriate remark, whether about a child’s weight or their resemblance to Mae West, I will be prepared to intervene.
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In summary, addressing inappropriate comments directed at children is crucial to fostering a respectful and safe environment for their growth. By advocating for our kids and educating ourselves, we can contribute to a future where unsolicited remarks are no longer tolerated.
Keyphrase: child body shaming
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