In a pastel-hued, quintessentially ’80s setting, the charming couple, Sarah and Tom, find themselves on the bedroom floor, interrupted mid-kiss by the sight of their delightful baby, Lily, crawling by. Shortly after purchasing Season One of thirtysomething from an online retailer, I found myself sharing this opening scene with my partner. “This is how I imagined marriage would be,” I said, smiling as the familiar pan-flute melody played softly in the background. We both laughed, recalling moments when we, too, were caught up in our own bliss while our first-born crawled by. However, thirtysomething offered me a glimpse into both the idyllic and the challenging aspects of parenting: the lunch with a chic friend while your baby wails, and the evenings when your partner returns to a chaotic home and a partner in tears.
The series debuted during my senior year of high school and continued through my initial years in college. While I didn’t catch every episode live, my mother—who was an early fan—filled me in on the plotlines, and I relished the reruns during summer breaks. I felt a connection to nearly every character but especially to Sarah and Melissa. I envisioned my journey mirroring theirs: a vibrant urban life in a creative career, smoothly transitioning into suburban motherhood while striving for a harmonious work-life balance.
At the heart of the show are Sarah and Tom, illustrating the evolving nature of marriage in the ’80s. I watched them navigate shared responsibilities—both domestic and parental—taking mental notes along the way. I was particularly intrigued by their efforts to keep romance alive, although I didn’t fully grasp the complexities of maintaining that connection at the time.
At 18, I resonated more with Melissa, who was endearingly awkward and yearning for love. I feared I might end up like her, tied to a commitment-phobic partner, making questionable life choices. The scene that struck me most back then was at Ellyn’s wedding, where the ghost of Gary reveals to Tom that Melissa and her partner would eventually marry and “have a wonderful child.” That was perhaps a hint of my own aspirations.
I had little interest in Nancy and Elliot during my younger years; their struggles felt mundane. Yet now, it is their narrative that often brings me to tears. My urban dreams were fleeting, and my creative career remains a work in progress. Like Nancy, I fell in love during college, married young, and became a mother to two. While my marriage hasn’t faced the same tumult as theirs, I recognize the pressures that can strain a relationship.
Nancy’s poignant realization that she and Elliot have lost touch resonates deeply with me. Their separation, while painful, allows Nancy to rediscover herself—she publishes a picture book, reclaiming her identity as an artist and a woman. When they reunite, a newfound appreciation for each other emerges, showcased in a tender moment where Nancy playfully questions Elliot about his need for two stereos, leading them into a dance as Stevie Nicks croons in the background.
Nancy’s battle with cancer is particularly heart-wrenching. As a young viewer, the concept of mortality was foreign to me. Now, as a parent, I’ve experienced the anxiety of a hospital stay with my critically ill newborn, which has opened my eyes to the fragility of life. Though fortunate to have my parents still with me, I see the profound impact of illness on families in my community.
Tragedy seems to accelerate as one enters their forties. I now understand the depth of my mother’s reaction to Gary’s untimely death in the series; she was around my current age then. In this stage of life, the weight of loss can feel overwhelming—even when portrayed in television dramas.
What was once a crystal ball into the future is now a reflective surface. I’ve learned that life and marriage have cycles, and existence is both delicate and fleeting. If we’re wise, we should embrace moments of joy, perhaps by dancing to our stereo more often. I might even attempt to recreate those floor moments with my partner, though our son is now away at college.
In summary, revisiting thirtysomething as a fortysomething reveals profound insights about love, loss, and the complexities of family life. The show serves as a reminder of the importance of connection and the need to cherish moments, even when faced with life’s inevitable challenges.
Keyphrase: Revisiting thirtysomething in your forties
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