Confessions of a Complicated Woman: A Guide to Dating from Someone Who Knows the Struggle

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On March 23, 1990, Pretty Woman premiered, forever changing the landscape of romantic comedies. At the time, I was just 15, with my love life stuck in a preposterous limbo—I had yet to experience a kiss, let alone a relationship. The rom-com genre, much like my dating life, was slowly clawing its way back to life, having been revived by the previous year’s success of When Harry Met Sally. Once Pretty Woman graced theaters, it grossed a staggering $463 million, leading to an explosion of romantic comedies throughout the 1990s. With no real dating experience of my own, I turned to Pretty Woman and its many imitations as my guide to relationships.

I can hardly remember my teenage years without Pretty Woman influencing my understanding of love, a sentiment that might come off as overly dramatic but rings true for many. Julia Roberts’ character, Vivian, grapples with her feelings for Edward, a wealthy businessman portrayed by Richard Gere, who hires her for a week. For years, I failed to recognize how much the film shaped my often distorted views on men and relationships. My worst tendencies in dating mirrored the dynamics shown in the movie, a realization that hit me hard.

While many critique the film for its outdated portrayal of gender roles, claiming it promotes the notion that women need to be saved by men, its deeper exploration of relationships is surprisingly relevant. The witty banter of classic Hollywood films often celebrated the flirtations of romantic tension, while Pretty Woman offered a more biting, passive-aggressive dialogue. For example, Edward’s jabs at Vivian, such as mocking her profession, highlight a deeper issue: the emotional games that often play out in real-life interactions.

The iconic argument between Edward and Vivian in the hotel suite resembles many of the conflicts I experienced in my own relationships. Vivian’s dramatic lines were often tests, reflective of a desire for validation rather than genuine communication. In my own experiences, I found myself echoing her sentiments, seeking to provoke a reaction that would affirm my worth.

Moreover, Vivian embodies the archetype of the “Manic Pixie Dream Girl,” a concept that has evolved but still persists in contemporary narratives. She presents a version of femininity that feels tailored to male fantasies—trying to be everything for Edward while struggling to maintain her own identity. Watching the film now, I realize how exhausting it can be to navigate such expectations, especially when those expectations come from a partner who doesn’t fully appreciate you.

What frustrates me most about Pretty Woman is how it trivializes Vivian’s quest for a meaningful relationship. Her longing for equality and respect is often misrepresented as a childish fantasy of being rescued. In the movie’s closing moments, when she tells Edward she’ll “rescue him right back,” I can’t help but wish for a different outcome—one where she takes control and reclaims her independence.

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In summary, Pretty Woman serves as both a nostalgic reminder and a cautionary tale about the complexities of modern relationships. The film’s portrayal of love, while entertaining, reinforces many unhealthy patterns and expectations that can plague our interactions with others. As we navigate our own journeys in love, it’s crucial to reflect on how these narratives shape our understanding of ourselves and our partners.

Keyphrase: Understanding Relationships Through Film
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